


The Fall

by Belle_Evans



Series: A to Z: In Sickness and Health [4]
Category: due South
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Emotional Baggage, M/M, secondary character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:32:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belle_Evans/pseuds/Belle_Evans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben has been divorced for ten years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place about ten years after Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser divorced in the alternate A to Z ending and comes after Coda:Men Who Talk.

Many of the patrons of the upscale Italian restaurant made observations that could be considered variations on a theme as they passed table number three. The location of the table accomplished two goals. It's prominence in the dining area was non-invasive enough to shroud its inhabitants with an illusion of complete privacy while satisfying the proprietor's desire for his restaurant to be thought of as a place that attracted Montreal's beautiful people.  
  
The worldliness of the individual restaurant patrons colored the depth of their observations, but the common thread was the striking attractiveness of the two men at table three. The thoughts of the less worldly or those who simply pretended not to see, ranged from, `their wives are damn lucky' to `I wonder if they have girlfriends'. Others who had perhaps been a place or two saw the pair, understood what connected them without necessarily getting the exact nature of the relationship correct. `I wonder what his hourly rate is' and `if that's the look in this years boy toy I want one' were some of the thoughts that danced through people's minds or tripped in whispers across their lips to their own dining companions.  
  
At table three, Benton Fraser stared intently at the man opposite him. As Benton was a modest man, his thoughts never touched on the breathtaking picture he and his dining partner presented to the restaurant at large. He, of course, like others in the room understood that the man across from him was beautiful. He had allowed that beauty, both external and internal, to work on him in ways that he knew should have been left unexplored. As he was a complicated man, his thoughts were caught up primarily with falling. How far a man could fall without realizing, how far a man could fall even with realization.  
  
On a night very much like this one, some months ago, he'd been seated across a table from this same breathtaking man and watched himself as if from afar take a step further into an abyss.  
  
In Benton Fraser's adulthood, he'd sometimes feigned ignorance when people made advances towards him so as to protect all parties from embarrassment and the resulting awkwardness. Often he simply didn't see it. That was more the case during his marriage. As a married man, his eyes were for only his husband, until he'd taken a step outside of the marriage, a step from which his recovery was still uncertain.  
  
Four months ago, in a cafe as downscale as the current eatery was upscale, he found himself seduced by a man, a boy really who made up for a lack of experience with his enthusiasm and determination. On that night, Benton Fraser ascertained early in the evening where their meeting was likely headed, realized the man's partial intent in coming to see him. Realized that he needed to put an immediate stop to what was unfolding. Benton did not consider himself a weak man. He'd done a great many difficult things in his life, but he found he could not resist the advance. He'd wanted.... For the first time in the ten years since his divorce, that word whispered through his own mind. Want. He'd wanted the man, who sat across from him smiling and telling him stories about his time at University, occasionally reaching across the table in the crowded noisy restaurant to touch his hand.  
  
Eventually there came a lull in the storytelling. The boy had simply stopped talking and concentrated on tracing his forefinger across the back of Benton's hand. Benton's eyes tracked the path of the long dark finger over his skin. And his eyes fluttered closed at the sensation. In the ten years since Ray Vecchio divorced him, no one had touched Benton as gently, as intimately.  
  
Yes, there was John Owen, his.... He'd never been able to come up with a proper term for the man he had sex with in the post divorce years. Lover seemed wholly imprecise. And the cruder colloquial terminology that could characterize would never trip easily off his tongue. In these recent years there had been no one in the Mountie's life who cared what he did. He had no one to answer to and therefore no reason to truly pin down a term for John. They were men who had sex, who touched to blot out pain, there was no love. In his head John was simply `a fellow RCMP officer I have sex with for reasons that do not need exploring at this juncture'.  
  
"Benton."  
  
"Yes." He stepped back into the present, his eyes flicking up to meet his young man's.  
  
"Que paso? What's wrong? You went away on me."  
  
Their hands slid together on the table the way their bodies would later that evening in Benton's hotel room. "I was thinking about the first night we dined together." A blush flamed the young man's cheeks as he watched his lover closely.  
  
"I'd like to make a toast." And the corners of Benton's mouth lifted as he raised his own glass. It was a joke between them now. He was always making toasts, most of them as jokes but not this one. Not tonight. He looked Benton in the eye.  
  
"To you Benton Fraser for stepping out on this ledge with me. Je t'aime."  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's and Ray's separate lives come together again in an unexpected way.

Cop habits died hard. Ray Vecchio was seated as far back in the unfamiliar, crowded caf as he could be, minimizing the amount of foot trafffic at his back, while allowing an almost full view of the room. He stared into his cooling latte and tried to think of a better plan of action. As for the current plan, he wished that he could say that it at least seemed like a good idea at conception, but it hadn't, not really.

He allowed his attention to be distracted momentarily by the twenty and thirty- somethings that outnumbered him in the bustling room. Maybe I should ask the room for the best course of action to take, he thought. And then he smiled. Doing that couldn't be any more questionable than what he was contemplating doing. Putting a soft surveillance on your kid didn't exactly scream parental trust.

He and Jersey were fortunate with their boy. As his godfather, Jersey already had an established relationship with the suddenly orphaned boy and maybe that's what eased the way. There was virtually no teenage rebellion. Vigilance for signs of trouble, their own difficult adolescences, and the circumstances that brought their son to them greatly informed how they parented. They were braced for verbal lashing out - you're not even my parents, I hate having two dads, fags. They were prepared to have their curfew challenged, their authority blatantly ignored. They kept a list of recommended family therapists and were prepared to do whatever it took to make sure Oscar survived his childhood.

There had only been one bump and for the parents who thought they'd covered everything, it came out of left field. At the beginning of his sophomore year in high school, their boy began to spend all of his time with a pretty Latina girl named Isobel. However, by the beginning of summer, a pale, bookish boy on his soccer team named Adam became his constant companion. Isobel was nowhere in sight. The boys were inseparable. And through the lens of "gaydar" Ray and Jersey saw the boys' absent minded touching and deep occupation of each other's personal space when they were together for what it was. However, by the end of the summer, Adam was history. Isobel once again was in their son's life.

That back and forth triggered a need in both Ray and his partner to have the kind of family talk they never thought they would have to have. They lived in West Hollywood. Their son had two married men as his primary caregivers, their boy had to know that being gay was alright. The Adam/Isobel situation reminded Ray of his painful dishonesty with himself and the women in his life. It reminded Jersey of his first love Bats, and all that he had lost at a similarly young age to be who he was. He needed his son to know that he didn't have to suffer those losses, make those sacrifices.

"I'm not gay." A curly haired fifteen year old, Oscar Velez Alta-Vecchio grinned as he looked from one adoptive parent to the other.

"You and Adam..." Jersey started. "Adam's not gay either." That had shut both Ray and Jersey up.

Experimentation. Well they guessed that made sense, given who was raising him and where he lived. But the sable eyed boy corrected them before the word barely saw the light.

"I like guys and girls mismo, the same." They hadn't been expecting that. Ray had to clamp down really hard on his tongue. Bisexuality was one of the rationalizations he'd tried to hide behind for so many wasted years in his life, in his first marriage to a woman, until he met his first husband Benny and had to confront the pretense for what it was. Jersey knew just how deep that hit Ray and that night Ray felt a supportive, restraining squeeze on his thigh under the table. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught an almost imperceptible shake of Jersey's head. Jersey then picked up the concerned parent thread and shifted the tone of the talk to the importance of not hurting people, the importance of being honest with the people in his life. At the end of the talk, Oscar fully understood that his choices wouldn't get him condemnation. At fifteen he knew this so why the hell at twenty-two was he playing a version of the pronoun game.

******************************************

Ray stared out of the caf window and let his mind drift along on the white noise of conversations he couldn't really understand. What I should really do is just go back to the airport and get on a plane he thought, tell my ol' man that everything is fine. But he didn't lie to Jersey so that wasn't really an option. And the evasiveness in Oscar's e-mails about the `person" he thought he was in love with and what `they' did together really worried Jersey. Ray granted that something was definitely up, `cause when you're evasive about the things you don't have to hide, like your new love's gender, it suggested that there was something larger on the horizon you were afraid of spilling once your mouth got going. He'd seen it with perps all the time. But Oscar wasn't a perp and they shouldn't treat him like one.

Ray reached, finally, to take a first sip of his drink and as he did so his eyes swept toward the front door of the cafe. A mouthful of latte nearly ended up all over the table, but he recovered quickly. Gingerly, he put his cup back on the table and stared.

From what Ray could see, the years had been kind to the Mountie. He watched transfixed as his ex husband, casually dressed in loose fitting jeans and a black pullover, smiled and chatted briefly with the girl at the register. He then stepped to the pastry display case. From Ray's vantage point, the Mountie still looked fit and was as striking as he had been the first time Ray saw him. The distance between them allowed Ray to stare unabashedly. Ah for Dief, he thought as his ex pointed out what he wanted to the cashier. Then it hit him that the chance Dief was still alive after all this time..... And at that Ray felt a pang of grief. He watched as the Mountie accepted the bag. In mere seconds the Mountie would be hitting the bricks. They hadn't spoken in ten years and unless Ray said something it might be another ten. And maybe it meant something that of all the coffee shops, in all of Canada, in all of Montreal, Benny would walk into this one at the same time Ray was trying to formulate a plan of action. That got Ray on his feet.

"HEY BENNY." Benton Fraser's head whipped around and the bag that he held nearly slipped from his fingers to the floor. "Sir." The cashier made a move to catch the bag but Benton recovered on his own and clutched it more tightly. He accepted his change absently as he stared at his former husband who waved and called to him from the back of the room. His feet were moving around chairs and tables toward Ray before he realized what they were doing. It was much too late for him to pretend that he hadn't heard or seen. It was too late to duck for cover.

The two men whose lives had once been so entwined and now couldn't even necessarily be called friends stared at each other across a table that was entirely suitable for one but a little cramped for two. Their knees brushed slightly under the table.

Now that Ray had a better look at the Mountie, he was struck immediately by a dimension to his beauty that had not been present in Chicago, had not been present in their life together. There was a certain lived through quality in the Mountie's face. Ray smiled to himself, yeah they were getting up there in years but it wasn't age he saw in his ex's face. Looking at him now Ray could see the story of challenges met and survived etched in his features. The beauty was less placid. Less plastic. Even to a casual observer, he looked like a man who could have been on the trail of his father's killers, could have been badly betrayed by the only woman who claimed to love him and divorced by a man who made the same claim. He looked touchable. Human.

"What the hell are you doing in Montreal, this seems like way too much city for you." As soon as it was out of his mouth, the arrogance of what he'd said dawned on Ray. There were years of separate life between them that precluded him from now knowing what was too much for the Mountie.

"I am in the process of retiring Ray and to that end there is quite a lot of task force business to handle. I have already been to Ottawa and Toronto. Montreal is the last stop."

"Like a rock star huh, a kind of farewell tour." "In a sense, yes." "Well I know a lot of flatfoots go stir crazy when they retire but I gotta say for me it's been great. It's been official eight years now for me. And I'm almost busier than when I was with the PD. It's amazing the amount of money film people will pay for `authenticity'.

Benton worked to keep his features as unreadable, yet unmask like as possible. He was out of practice with Ray. "Is that why you're here Ray, you're working on a film?"

"I'm here because my husband is a mother hen." The Mountie stared at him blankly and Ray grinned. Some things never change. 

"I came here to make Jersey feel better." 

"So you're not here alone?" Benton asked quietly. 

"Well yeah, I am. Jersey just opened a new restaurant in Malibu so he couldn't get away. Our son's attending a French immersion program at UQAM. You remember Oscar. I'm checking up on him I guess."

At the mention of Oscar's name, Benton had a startlingly inappropriate flash of Ray's son leaning into him and slipping his hand into the waistband of his jeans as he whispered things in French definitely not learned in any University sanctioned language course. Benton stood suddenly.

"What's wrong?" 

"I'm sorry Ray, I need to step outside and make a phone call. Will you excuse me." 

"Sure, I'd still like to catch up some more. I mean if you want to." There was only the slightest hesitation before Benton responded. 

"I would like that as well Ray."

Ray watched the Mountie make his way to the front door and for a split second he thought that Benton was ducking out on him. But then he noticed that the pastry bag was still on the table.

Maybe this trip to Montreal wouldn't be a total bust. He and the Mountie would catch up. After Frannie's wedding, in order to go on with his life, he'd told himself that the Mountie was alright. Ray was gratified to see that he was right. The Mountie looked good, sounded good. Sure the conversation was a little stilted, but that was understandable given the unexpectedness of their meeting, but he hadn't flinched or seemed uncomfortable when Ray mentioned Jersey. Maybe, Ray thought, after the Mountie and I are caught up we'll break bread and I'll go home. I'll tell my husband what I should have said before it ever got to this point. Their son was a grown man, he could make his own decisions and live with them. They had done a good job with him. Oscar never had to know about his parents' momentary lapse of trust.

Outside the caf, the Mountie's hands shook so badly he nearly dropped his cell phone. For most of his post-Ray Vecchio years, Benton understood that he had been unwell. A term he acquired from John, the Mountie he'd been involved with up until he met Oscar. Unwell echoed another term that he could no longer bear to think about. The full text of what John often said was,

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell." 

A lyric from an old song John's late husband, a cop, liked and used to indicate his mood whenever something on the job went tragically awry. He and John had shared their mutual unwellness..

Plummeting, with realization. And as had always been the case, what was out of control for Fraser appeared as barely a ripple on the surface to everyone else. The facade made easier to carry because there were no friends or family to say otherwise. He'd carried out his official duties with professionalism and aplomb though his personal life was a shambles. In that time he retained enough self-awareness to know that his semi-frequent liaisons with John only put a point on the severity of his unwellness. 

He knew that he could stop the encounters at any time but, he lacked the will. Upon meeting Oscar he'd rediscovered his will. But while his fall slowed it hadn't been entirely broken. He ruthlessly silenced the part of him that said he had no business in a relationship with a man thirty years his junior, that he had no business in a relationship with Ray's son. 

He'd known the day would come when he would stop spiraling and simply splatter all over the pavement. Before Oscar, he'd surmised that the end of the spiral would probably coincide with his death. Possibly by his own hand. Five minutes ago, he'd finally met the ground. And it was both worse than he expected and not as bad as he anticipated. He hadn't expected to have any hope at the end. He probably should have expected to land at a Vecchio's feet.

Benton Fraser intended to keep Oscar Velez Alta-Vecchio. He was quite unprepared to give him up. And he wanted Ray's approval. As the saying went, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. A shaking finger pressed the first number on his speed dial.

"Hey," a sleepy voice greeted him. "Aren't you supposed to be here now?" In his mind's eye Benton saw Oscar sprawled across the crisp white linens they'd bought together three months ago. The hue of his skin deeper, richer and so inviting in contrast. His body pliant and waiting. Benton could feel his tremors coming under control.

"Your father is here." He said quietly.

"What?" Tension crept into Oscar's voice. Benton could hear him getting up.

"Where are you?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I stopped at Caf Saint-Denis and I'm afraid I was the one surprised."

"Which one?"

Benton sighed deeply. "Ray."

"Tu vas bien?"

And because Benton had learned a painful lesson about the difference between telling the facts and telling the truth, he told Oscar the truth. "Je ne sais pas."

"Hang tight. Dix minutes."

"D'accord." As Benton started to flip his phone shut.

"Benton, Benton - "

"Yes, yes I'm here."

"I won't give you up."

"Neither I you."

Ten minutes. Benton slipped the phone back into his pocket and braced himself against the wall to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Lyric from the Matchbox 20 song "Unwell"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to explain.

Ray Vecchio glanced at his watch then back at the front door. He broke into a grin as his son stepped through the entrance. He started to lift his hand to get Oscar's attention when the Mountie stepped in right behind him. And like a sea change, Ray's grin faltered and his hand fell. There is a fluidity and grace in the way people who are in true partnership move together. It attracts the attention of those around them, sometimes eliciting envy, sometimes admiration. Outsiders can't help but look and those in sync can't help but be what they are. As Ray watched his son and the Mountie, almost against his will his brain flipped right out of excited parent and into cop. And things started to click into place like tumblers in a lock. What were the chances that the only two people that Ray Vecchio knew in Montreal would be in the same neighborhood, in the same caf, at the same time? And were they wearing the same sweater but in different colors?

Ray was only in this particular caf because as far as he could tell from the GPS in the rental it was only a few blocks from Oscar's apartment. As potential reasons tripped with lightening speed through his mind and were discarded, Ray could only seem to settle on one thing. Because as he and Jersey had already discussed ad nauseam, at least that's what Ray had thought at the time, what else could a boy be hiding about his boyfriend if his parents had no problem with gender or race.

The bewildered father suddenly stood and edged around his table. His hand came up as if to ward off an approaching horror, but it was too late. There was no way for Ray Vecchio to unsee what he had seen, unknow what he was pretty certain he knew.

The adrenaline that propelled Oscar out of his apartment at a run was starting to ebb. This was it. The moment that in four months he still hadn't figured out a way to handle. And it wasn't like he and Benton spent a lot of time talking about his pop. He thought that there would be more time. He'd sort of tried to lay a foundation in his e-mails. To let his family know that he was happy, but with a retired cop and a yenta for parents he should have known he wasn't going to get away with the non gender specific game for too much longer. He knew that he'd get called on it eventually. He hadn't expected one of them or either of them to show up in person. He hoped it was only one of them. The last thing he and Benton needed was to get double-teamed.

It didn't take the Mountie and Vecchio's son long to cross the space. Given that he'd initially come to see Oscar, Ray could not take his eyes off Fraser. And despite his nerves, the Mountie's eyes did not waver from those of his ex-husband, from those of his lover's father.

"Pop, I can -"

"I need to speak to Benton." The ice in Ray's voice was unmistakable. It wasn't a request so much as an order.

"Please, just let me talk to you for a second, " Oscar tried not to let it sound like he was begging to stay out past curfew. It was on the tip of Ray's tongue to say this is adult business, but his son was an adult wasn't he? A relationship, the retired cop's brain tried to seize up to prevent that thought from completing, but it was too late. His son was involved in some kind of relationship with the Mountie. Unless Fraser had found a way to discard all that he carried, sharing that weight would grow anyone up quickly.

Ray had comforted himself in the intervening years with the idea that despite the intensity of their connection, he and the Mountie had maybe only been transitional relationships for each other. Ray had been the Mountie's first serious relationship since the Victoria debacle. And the Mountie had been his first serious "I'm into guys " relationship. They'd worked some things out with each other, they worked some things out on each other. The ex-cop's ten years with his current husband had not been marked by any of the angst or emotional upheaval that his relationship and comparatively short marriage to the Mountie had been. Jersey had never made him bleed the way that the Mountie had.

Ray's eyes held his ex's. Benton met his gaze and Ray could see both a familiar stubborn resolve, a hint of resignation and more than a flicker of something else that Ray allowed his mind to resist. Conversation around them had dropped an octave as some of the people at the nearby tables couldn't help but cast furtive glances in their direction.

"I need to speak to Benton alone," he repeated. In his periphery Oscar twitched, then turned to the Mountie. Benton's gaze shifted to the younger man. Oscar's body blocked his father's view, but Ray could tell from the slight movement of the Mountie's shoulder that he was touching Oscar. Probably low, on his stomach. That thought disoriented Ray for a moment. And he clenched his fist against the urge to step between them and slap the Mountie's hand away. And it threw him a little more that he couldn't tell if the impulse came from a sense of fatherly protection or jealousy.

It only took a few seconds for the lovers to communicate what they were going to do. Oscar tilted his head slightly and looked at Benton through a dark fringe of lashes and nodded his head slightly. "D'accord, " he whispered. A ghost of a smile traced Benton's lips and then Oscar turned to look at Ray again. He stared unwavering into his father's eyes then stepped forward and hugged him. His eyes still on the Mountie, Ray returned the embrace. Oscar whispered, "This is on me don't - " But Ray pulled away from his son. If he'd needed any indication how deep Oscar was in, there it was. Oscar was exhibiting the same instincts of others before him, Ray chief among them. His son was trying to protect the Mountie in a situation where the Mountie should have known better. Like the father before him the Mountie had gotten the son on the roof of a too tall building.

"Don't you have a class or something today? " Oscar nodded. The original plan for the day involved spending the morning making love with Benton before heading off to UQAM. Oscar felt his cheeks burning and tried to not look like Ray had come across him jerking off.

"Yeah I have a cultural seminar in a few hours."

"Alright. Then maybe you should call your dad. He's tired of talking to your voicemail." Ray glanced at his watch. "I think he's at the Grill now."

Oscar's eyes got wide. And Ray understood immediately. "If he asks tell him that I will call him tonight. Do not tell him anything else."

"Okay, okay."

Benton's hand itched to caress the smooth planes of Oscar's face. He hadn't been able to do what Oscar had done with Ray. Without creating a disturbance in the caf and still showing respect, the young man managed to show Ray the conviction of his choice. In the last months, as his career was coming to a close Benton had begun to wonder what his life would have been like if he'd had that kind of courage in his early twenties.

Certainly, he had courage of a piece. He could go to toe with any lawbreaking miscreant, he'd found the courage to turn Victoria in, but the courage to voice doubts about whether he would actually be happy in service to the RCMP never found a home. And only now at the conclusion of almost thirty years of service, he could honestly say when asked that he would not miss it. He was more than ready to take up the mantle of civilian life, especially since instead of the solitary life he'd anticipated, he would begin his post RCMP career with the son of a man he'd loved with all of his heart. Probably still loved to some degree. But it was the son who'd stopped his final slide into darkness. It was the son that had made him hopeful for the first time in a long while. And despite Oscar's relationship to Ray, there was no real `baggage' between the two of them. There was no legacy of hurt, betrayal or duty for them to overcome.

Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser both watched mutely as Oscar left the caf. Right at the door the young man turned and looked at them both with a plea in his eyes and whatever he saw from each of them allowed him to step out onto the sidewalk. Once he cleared the door, Ray spoke first.

"You holed up around here somewhere?"

"Yes, I am staying at the training hotel."

"I beg your pardon."

"The hotel is a comprehensive training hotel for those interested in careers in the guest services industry. It's quite a fine program."

Ray was already moving toward the front of the caf as he muttered under his breath, "Like I give a good goddamn."

***********************

It would have been a little like old times, Ray driving, Benton riding hyper vigilant in the passenger seat were it not for the near stifling tension and the fact the car was a German import. Every ounce of Ray's attention was focused on obeying the traffic laws. In their shared past it might have pleased Benton, but now he understood it was Ray's calculated attempt to keep himself from exploding.

It didn't escape the Mountie's notice how easily they fit into some aspects of their old partnership. He could read Ray's body language, knew that Ray was hovering somewhere between seething and ballistic but still when they'd gotten to the car, Ray went to the passenger side and opened Benny's door first. The same way he had for most of their marriage. Often that had been followed by impromptu making out on the passenger side of the car, which in the first year of their marriage made them late for work and a variety of family engagements on more than one occasion. He took a moment to study Ray's profile. He'd been so stunned when Ray first called to him in the caf that he hadn't really taken the time to look at his former husband. And he found that Ray was still as breathtaking as ever.

Underneath the anger rolling off him, Benton could see that Ray was well cared for. Certainly there were a few more age lines and the remaining peach fuzz on his head was mostly grey. But the tell tale signs of a hard lived life were nowhere to be found. Lines of deep worry and concentration that Benton now realized had been a regular part of Ray's face when they were together were absent. Though walking away all those years before nearly killed him, it had obviously been the right decision. Ray had a life that suited him. Joseph Alta had loved Ray better than Benton had. He would endeavor not to let that inequity occur in his new relationship.

Benton focused his attention out of the passenger window. He wished that he'd made proper preparation for this meeting, but he and Oscar had been so caught up in the surprise of each other that they hadn't talked about the man that was important to both of them. They did talk about the future. Oscar expressed a real interest in the Inuit culture and language which warmed Benton's heart. He also seemed excited to see the cabin that Benton had continued to maintain over the years. And the idea of having an adventure in a place that was important to Benton lit his young man's eyes in the way it hadn't anyone elses before him.

Once at the hotel, Ray tossed the keys to the valet without comment. And followed the Mountie into the lobby. Everyone they passed seemed to know Fraser and he in turn seemed to know everyone by name or by some ailment they'd recently overcome. Ray could see him actively resisting the urge to stop and introduce him. Instead, they maintained a brisk clip to the elevator. Through some providence their elevator was unoccupied and it went to straight to the Mountie's floor without stopping. Ray was immensely grateful. He didn't think that he could handle a round of letting every Tom, Dick and Harry precede them. The display in the lobby let Ray know that Fraser, the annoyingly courteous, remained intact. You think he could be courteous enough not to fuck my son, blazed through Ray's brain.

***************** The Mountie moved across the suite gracefully and pulled a bottle of water out of the mini-bar. He held a second bottle in Ray's direction. "I think I'm gonna need something a little stronger than that." There was just the slightest tightening in Benton's jaw. "By all means," he said as he stepped aside so that Ray could see the full range of selection. Reaching in, Ray selected a beer he'd never heard of and settled on the faux Victorian couch. Benton sipped his water and stared out of the suite's large floor to ceiling window.

"Are you carrying a firearm?"

Benton hadn't noticed it when he first sat with Ray at the caf, but once in the car he thought he detected the outline of a shoulder holster. Quite a few of the newer models were sleeker, a bit more contoured to blend with the line of a suit, but Benton thought he'd seen something. In the elevator, the way Ray stood made him almost one hundred percent certain.

Pulling the glock out of his holster, Ray put it in plain view on the table in front of the couch.

"You never know when you might run into a crazed caribou." Or a crazed Mountie. The attempt at levity did not completely disguise the edge in Ray's voice. Both men let the resulting silence play. Benton continued to stare out of the window, unsure of how to start. Ray contemplated his beer label.

The father was the first to break the silence.

+"Christ, he was twelve when you met him Benny." The sudden confused anguish in Ray's voice unloosened Benton Fraser's tongue. He turned on Ray fast, his blue eyes dark and flashing.

"I can assure you that nothing untoward occurred at Francesca's wedding. As you say he was a child."

Benton understood what it must look like, that Ray was thinking what a father would think and given the double jeopardy of the situation of father and ex-lover Fraser knew he should be grateful that Ray hadn't put another bullet in his back.

"I know you're not a pedophile, I'm not .... I need you to break this down for me. He's my kid. And I need to understand what the hell is going on here. What the hell are you doing?"

"He is in fact of age Ray. By several years actually."

"Goddammit Fraser!"

"I merely meant Ray that for the purpose of this discussion, it would be helpful...it might facilitate this situation if you could try to think of him as an adult."

"Do you have any children Fraser?"

"You know that I do not, Ray."

"What I know is that you're fucking my son. You have sex with the child that my husband and I raised."

Benton paled. "It isn't that. It's...I had that with someone for a number of years, before Oscar. That's not what this is. Oscar and I, your son and I.....

And despite the fact that the Mountie no longer had any of his tells from before, right there in his eyes was all the tell that Ray needed. He stared hard and let himself see the other thing he resisted in the caf. Ray did know a lot about the Mountie. He knew what he looked like when he loved, when he was in love. That hadn't changed in ten years. "Oh God, Fraser you're in love with my kid.

"I -. " Fraser started, but he was cut off. "I need everything Benny, the where, the when, the how. You gotta break it down for me. Use small words."

"I...the first contact I had with Oscar, after the wedding, I believe he was sixteen."

Ray inhaled sharply and impaled Fraser with his emerald daggers, but kept silent.

"After the dissolution of our marriage, Tony, Junior and I kept in touch via e-mail. He would keep me apprised of his successes in school and his various activities. Occasionally one of his notes would have something about his parents, his siblings, your mother or Frannie. But primarily they were about his studies. And in one of those messages he included a question from his cousin Oscar. As I understood it his cousin was doing a type of research paper and wanted information on Canada. At first I was unable to place this particular cousin. When I realized, I was more than happy to answer his questions."

A smile lit up Benton's face and Ray's hand clenched around his beer.

"I replied with the URLs of several helpful sites and other reference material. The e- mails continued in that vein, always a part of Tony, Jr.'s, always academically themed. And after that there were other academic inquiries about the RCMP, the anti-terrorist task force. These spanned a period of about a year then they stopped. And I truly gave no more thought to him, except to hope that he was well and that his studies were successful. Four months ago, I received ane-mail directly from Oscar telling me that he would be studying in Montreal. He asked to meet me for dinner. I suppose perhaps he found out from Tony, Junior that I was in Montreal. I didn't see that there would be any harm in meeting him."

Benton stopped as if that was all there was to say. As if to say the rest was self-evident. There was no way to tactfully tell a father that his son was the aggressor. And that when the full realization of Oscar's intentions dawned on Benton, he had made no effort to stop the advances. He'd unashamedly basked in the attention.

"I need to hear the rest of it." Fraser took a small sip from his bottle of water and considered.

"We had dinner," he began slowly as he tried to feel his way through the rest of the story.

"And he told me about his time at University. About his immersion program. I talked about my retirement, about my childhood in the territories. As we talked, I realized that it was turning into something of a date."

Again the smile touched Fraser's face.

"I was in the company of a vibrant intelligent man who seemed genuinely interested in me, who wanted to spend time with me. He seemed to have no preconceived notions about who I was."

"There's interest and then there's interest Benny. There are tons of people who would be willing to help you get your rocks off. You don't need Oscar."

Ray was as offended by his own vulgarity as Fraser, but he wanted to keep the Mountie off balance. An off balance Fraser prevaricated less.

"If I take your meaning, that's quite true. As I mentioned earlier I was involved in a sexual relationship with a fellow RCMP officer when I met Oscar. Though it's not something I believe could be helped at the time, it's also not something that I'm necessarily proud of. I ended that liaison before....before. "

Ray opened his beer and took a long pull. How is this my life he wondered? Fraser had found yet another way to complicate the lives of the people that knew him. Getting up from the couch, the father moved so that he and his ex were standing toe to toe. Staring into the eyes of the man he'd once loved more than anything, once protected above all others. He was still angry at Fraser but that was tempered by his knowledge of the man, by the look in the eyes that stared back at him now. By the eyes that had looked at him in the caf.

"No bullshit Fraser. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me this has nothing to do with me. You tell me you haven't, you haven't taken a page out of Victoria's book. Wait ten years then strike with a vengeance. Cause if you're going through my son...."

Fraser was gratified that he felt no stirrings at this proximity to Ray. Certainly they had been close in the caf, but first a table then Oscar had been between them, in the car and in the lift but this was the closest they had been to each other since that day on the porch.

While waiting for Oscar to join him at the caf, Fraser understood that this confrontation was going to be at hand. He feared it would bring two things - possible murderous anger in Ray and a discovery that he, Benton Fraser was still decidedly unwell.

He'd been afraid that he would find his desire for Ray undiminished. That he would somehow betray the son as he had the father. But this close, staring into the shimmering green of Ray's eyes confirmed what Benton thought he already knew. Though he hoped to salvage his friendship with Ray, Oscar was the man he wanted now. He did not let his gaze falter.

" Even though there are no biological markers to indicate his relationship to you, there are certainly those born of nurture. I would be lying if I said that there weren't some things about him that echo you. Or seem to. For example he seems to share your appreciation for fine clothing but it occurred to me that perhaps that's something he acquired from your husband. As I recall he too was rather a fine dresser. Oscar's style is less formal but his taste is impeccable. He doesn't seem as attached to his clothing as you were on occasion. He has a self- confidence that mirrors yours, but it's not borne of the streets. It's his. It's not a law enforcement officer's confidence, it's that of someone who was raised secure and happy. And I suspect that has as much to do with Joseph Alta, since Joseph has been in his life since he was born. I'm not sure if this is what you want to hear, I don't even know if I am explaining it correctly. I guess the best thing I can say is that being with Oscar has to do with me. And him. Only us. I love him." Fraser finished quietly and waited.

Ray took a little step back and took his turn looking out of the window.

" "God, Fraser you suck at this. This is the thing, you're really not good at. And I don't believe you really know. All this time I don't think you get it. I don't think you realize. Victoria, me, Stan...your RCMP fuck buddy. And now my son. And it would be funny if what's left behind wasn't so ugly."

The Mountie's eyes dropped to the intricately patterned carpet. There was really no defense that he could offer. His track record was less than sterling. It was as Ray said, he did `suck' at intimate relationships. But he and Ray had had five good years and might have had more were it not for the weight of their combined emotional baggage.

"I'm sorry it was most assuredly not my wish to hurt you Ray. It's definitely not my intention to hurt Oscar. The last ten years have been...I'd like to think that' I'm no longer the same man that destroyed our marriage."

"And you're testing that theory on a twenty-two year old boy? It's pretty much Parenting 101," Ray said softly, "that if I come down against this, it'll set his mind harder on it, so I need you to think. Remember what you were doing around his age. Remember the decisions you made. I believe you that this isn't some kind of payback, but....You want me to think of him as an adult and I do. I understand that a young man's got to go out on his own. Make his own way. But is he ready for your brand of adult, your degree of adulthood Fraser? Are you going to be the one that he regrets? Are you going to be the one that fucks him up, the way Victoria fucked you up when you were just a kid."

Fraser inhaled sharply.

"Yeah, Fraser. I really, really need you to think about that. You're not an easy man to walk away from. And I don't think that my son has the strength to do it. He doesn't even know what's hit him. Not really."

Ray blew out a loud sigh.

" I'm going to see my son like I intended. I'm gonna listen to what he has to say. If this goes sideways, and I don't mean normal relationship," and the word was like glass scraping his tongue, "ups and downs. If it turns out that you're using Oscar, I'll come after you. Jersey will probably want to kill you anyway, but I'll hunt you down if I have to and it won't be pretty." His eyes drifted to the unholstered glock for emphasis.

"Understood."

Ray nodded and reached for his gun.

End Part 3

Part 4 - Ray talks to his son and listens.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray talks to his son and listens.

Oscar hadn't gotten very far from the caf before he started to feel that he'd made a huge mistake walking away from his Pop and his boyfriend. He hoped that they would stay at the caf, but as he rounded the corner of his street, it hit him that they wouldn't. Yanking his cell phone out of his pocket, he started dialing as he backtracked.

He tried his pop first and there was no answer and then he tried Benton's cell. The same result. It rolled directly into voicemail. He tried Benton's room and got the voicemail. Finding himself back in front of the cafe, he'd stepped in hoping to see the two men, but knowing full well that the chances were slim.

The girl at the counter smiled at him, "Votre petit-ami n'est pas ici." "Merci," he managed to smile at the girl as he ordered a coffee and found a table in the corner. Maybe they would come back. He picked up his cell phone again to dial his dad in Los Angeles and realized that he didn't trust himself not to just spill everything. And Ray had told him not to. And he didn't want to. Of his two adoptive parents his dad, Joe was the most protective. His pop, Ray, was protective in his way. But Joe sometimes could be overbearing. Maybe it was because he wasn't the one that stayed home with him. When he was growing up, Ray was the one to do the day to day. Ray took him to soccer practice. Ray drove the school car pool. Ray took him shopping for school clothes. His pop, Ray, had always been about him being a man. His dad hadn't wanted Oscar to come to Montreal at all and they had argued about it. Ray was the one to convince Joe it was okay and Oscar gave silent thanks again. Because as freaked out as he was that his pop had shown up out of the blue, it was better to have his pop here than to have his dad.

And that in itself was freaky given that his pop and Benton had been married. And his dad and his pop seemed to fit so well together he couldn't imagine either of them with anyone else. It wasn't like the name Benton Fraser had even ever really been spoken in their house. So that wasn't how he knew Benton. He hadn't had any sense of him in that way. He had only known him as his cousin Tony's uncle. The uncle who built the tree cabin they'd hung out in when he visited, the good looking man that talked to him at his Aunt Frannie's wedding. It was the meeting at the wedding that stuck with him. Specifically what Benton had said to him that day.

That day, the god in the tuxedo, the man all the women seemed to want to dance with said a couple of things. One of which registered immediately, the other not until he was fifteen almost sixteen and then it was all he could hear. As Benton talked to him in that precise Canadian accent as though he were an adult, Oscar thinks that's when he first started crushing on Benton. At twelve he already knew he liked boys, but his parent's death sort of sidetracked him doing anything with that information.

He'd been sitting alone on one side of the room when Dief, Benton's white half-wolf, came over and lay on the floor at his feet. He'd scooted off the chair and sat beside the animal and rubbed his head.

"Ah it was good of you to keep Diefenbaker company." Benton had said as he unbuttoned his jacket and sat beside Oscar on the ground. "I think he's the one keeping me company."

"Understood." Then quietly. "My mother was killed when I was six years old. My father was killed when I was older." And in that moment Oscar felt like he wasn't so alone. It seemed like once his parents died he was suddenly surrounded by people with parents. He knew that his godfather didn't see his parents, but he had them, knew that Ray didn't have a dad but at least he still had a mother.

Benton Fraser was the first person he'd met after his parents died that didn't have any parents either. And he'd lost his mother when he was younger than Oscar. At that time he only knew that Benton was a friend of Ray Vecchio, who was his godfather's boyfriend. And he'd listened intently as his new friend told him some things that he'd clung to over the years. The first had been that his parent's death wasn't his fault. Everyone had told him things would get better, but no one had zeroed in on the thing eating at his heart. Benton Fraser had been the only one to do that. He'd also told him that Ray and Joe would take good care of him and that he would be safe. And even though Joe had told him essentially the same thing when he took him in, it somehow sounded more true coming out of the mouth of Benton Fraser.

Oscar sipped his coffee and stared at his silent cell phone. He'd left messages on all the available voicemails and neither of them had yet to call him back. His nerves were so jangled he knew that he wouldn't be able to concentrate in his seminar and he'd called his professor to explain that he had a family situation arise. Before he'd left the caf earlier that day, he'd taken a moment to look at the two of them. Two people that he loved in vastly different ways. The two of them standing side by side staring at him. It had been hard looking at his pop. Oscar's intention had never been to hurt him. He'd been surprised as anyone when his play hadn't been rebuffed. He didn't think that he was conceited, he'd been hit on enough times by a variety of people to know that he wasn't a troll, but he'd been nervous to the point of babbling on his first date with Benton.

He'd learned in the subsequent months that, that kind of behaviour wasn't Benton's normal style. Oscar was grateful that on that night Benton had decided to let go of his natural reserve. And knowing his lover as he did now, it was that much harder for him to wrap his mind around the idea of he and his pop ever being more than work partners. He could see them as cops, they both had that thing that said cops about them so it wasn't that hard to imagine his pop as the "bad" cop and Benton as the "good" cop, but the rest....Besides not wanting to think about his parent and sex, he just couldn't see it.

What Oscar could see when he left the caf earlier was that his pop still loved him. Before his panic he'd hoped that love would keep the man that raised him from beating the hell out of the man he loved. Still his stomach was doing a flip flop a minute. And when his phone finally rang he nearly jumped out of his skin. "Hello."

"Did you call your dad?."

"I chickened out," he admitted to his pop. On the other end of the line Ray chuckled. Oscar took that as a good sign.

"Where are you now?"

"At the caf. I got nervous and came back. I called my professor and told him that I wasn't going to be able to make it today."

"You're not gonna get penalized for that are you."

"No it's okay."

"Alright, I'll pick you up in about ten minutes."

"Okay." And Oscar's stomach did one more flip.

*****************

Ray flipped the omelette in the kitchen of his son's apartment. At one time the whole structure had been a large Victorian home but now it was divided into four separate apartments. He remembered Oscar showing him a picture of it on the internet. At the time he thought that the picture was an exaggeration but it was as roomy as advertised.

The open design of the kitchen allowed Ray to watch as Oscar set the table. Meal times had been important in the three homes that eventually came together to make the Alta-Vecchio household. Sometimes the three of them ate at very odd hours given the schedule of the two adults but in the first couple of years as a family, Ray and Jersey strove to have regular meal times with Oscar. Either Jersey or Ray cooked and Oscar set the table. When Oscar was older Jersey actually relented and let him touch the stove, but generally speaking, table setting was Oscar's thing.

It was nice, Ray thought, fixing breakfast in his kid's place. Despite the elephant hogging the space in the room, this simple pleasure was something that they hadn't experienced since Oscar left for college. It had been important to Ray that they cut as much of the apron string as they could when they sent him off to school. Especially since his school of choice, USC, wasn't really that far from their home. They'd become a close knit family, but Ray knew that sometimes being in constant proximity to that same family could stunt you. He'd been willing to set aside who he was for his family because they were in each other's pockets. He put them first because he felt it was his duty, but he wanted his son to learn early how to survive in the world. He wanted his son to be his own man from the jump. Jersey wanted him to commute to school and live at home.

"Hey this is nice, huh?" Oscar looked up from setting the forks down and grinned at his pop.

"Yeah, it is. I've missed the monster omelette breakfast." In the face of that grin ten years of proud father moments flashed in Ray's head. There was nothing that could make him not love this boy.

The elephant sat quietly in the corner of the room while father and son ate breakfast. And they talked of other things. As there became more plate in front of both of them than monster omelette, the elephant inched his way closer to the table. Oscar lifted his glass suddenly. "A toast." Ray lifted his glass as well. "A famiglia, " the young man intoned solemnly.

"A famiglia." Ray joined in. Oscar took a quick sip and splayed his fingers on the tablecloth. The elephant lumbered and sprawled in the center of the table.

"I didn't mean for you guys to find out this way."

"Well your dad is still blissfully ignorant." The nervous young man slumped in his seat. His eyes remained concentrated on his own hands.

"At least he can't ground me."

"No but he can come after Fraser with a shotgun."

"Oh, God. It wasn't Benton. I did this. I told you in the caf that this was on me. I'm the one that started this."

"That's a Mountie specialty, to make you think some lunatic thing he gets you involved in you're doing of your own free will. It isn't true Oscar. You don't have to stay involved in this situation because you think it's your responsibility." Despite his assertion to Benton that any objection he made would send Oscar in the wrong direction, Ray couldn't resist the pull to say what was on his mind.

"When Adam broke up with me the first time it hurt a lot." It took Ray a moment to switch gears.

"When Adam -, " Oscar lifted his head and stared at his pop. Pain flittered around the edges of his expression.

"I know you and dad thought that I broke up with him, but it was Adam's idea...both times. One of the things that made it easier the first time was something that Benton said to me at Aunt Frannie's wedding. It hadn't really meant anything at the time. I guess I was too young to fully appreciate it."

"Okay." Making sure to keep his expression neutral, Ray watched his son closely. He'd never known the specifics of what Fraser said to Oscar that day, but the boy's spirits had definitely been lifted. He'd figured there were some Inuit and caribou involved since those were usually the hallmarks of most of the stories he'd told their nieces and nephews.

"He told me that other people would leave me and that `the thing in life is to know when it is and isn't your fault. Being able to sort that through will make a tremendous difference in your life young Oscar'. I hadn't thought of that in a long time. Not until after Adam. And then it was all I could think about for awhile. I realized that it wasn't my fault that he broke up with me. And I felt really grateful to Benton because as much as it hurt it didn't hurt as much as it could have. I wanted to thank him. So I asked Tony, Jr. about him. And then I e-mailed him and I really was going to thank him but it seemed kind of geeky and stupid. And so I just asked him about school stuff. And he was really nice about it. And then I couldn't think of any more fake school projects having to do with Canada so I stopped e- mailing."

Oscar stood suddenly and began clearing the table.

"Adam left me again, last year. Right before graduation." Stunned Ray, turned to look at his son. He hadn't known that Oscar was involved with his high school boyfriend again. For that matter it had never occurred to either him or Jersey that Oscar was the heartbreakee when he was a kid not the breaker.

"This second time, I didn't know whether it was or wasn't my fault. And it hurt more than it did the first time. A lot more. I started thinking about Benton. And I wanted to ask him how to figure it out. I mean if the same person leaves you twice it must be your fault, but I didn't, I couldn't......I wanted to talk to someone who seemed to have been there and like with my biological parents Benton was the only one I knew who'd gone through what I was going through. Tony, Jr. helped me track him down. There were immersion programs in Toronto and Quebec but I chose Montreal because he was here."

Listening to his son, hearing the remnant of pain, the retired cop was unsettled to realize the number of inaccurate assumptions he and his husband had made.

"So, you came to Montreal because you wanted to get with Fraser?"

"I came because....I wanted to get to know him better, I didn't plan for any of this to happen but we.....I know that I've had a better childhood than he had, a better life maybe but there are things about me that he understands. Things about him I understand. And I think that's because of how our parent's died. I love you and dad with all my heart and you've given me a great life. Even if it doesn't kill you, I think it still marks you a little when the people who brought you into the world disappear from your life suddenly."

"I don't know what to say, " Ray said. And he didn't. He'd been prepared to listen but he hadn't expected to learn how he and Jersey had failed their son. How even though they'd lived together as family for many years, Ray had failed to see his son. Had in fact treated him to some degree the way people treated the Mountie. It shamed him that it never occurred to him that his popular, gregarious and handsome boy would be the one pining for a studious, semi nerd like Adam.

And now that his eyes were open he could see the striking resemblance between Fraser and Adam. It wasn't so much physical as it was spiritual. It also nagged at Ray in a darker corner of his mind that maybe he'd somehow failed his first husband by walking out even though the Mountie deserved it.

"He's not an easy man, son." And to Ray's ears it sounded like a blessing. And that's not what he wanted to do. Oscar stopped fiddling with the dishwasher and came back to the table. He straddled a chair across from Ray.

"One of the things I really love about him is his laugh. He's teaching me to skate and mostly I just fall on my ass a lot. He laughs at me. And they're these really great soul deep laughs. The first month we were together he smiled a lot but he never really laughed. Sometimes I fall on purpose just to make him to laugh. I've got bruises on my ass like you wouldn't believe. "

They both laughed and then Ray quickly sobered when he got a flash of just who would be tending to his son's bruised ass.

"Look son -"

"Wait okay. I know this is weird with the age thing and the marriage thing. I know that but we....we're good together. Maybe you could spend some time with both of us while you're here. Leaving him isn't an option for me."

And Ray knew that, but the determined gleam in son's eyes silenced anything else he was going to say.

"Okay," Ray said as he rose from his chair. Oscar stood up as well. "I need to talk to your dad." He pulled his son into a tight embrace. " I love you. This doesn't change any of that but you need to know this is probably not the last conversation about this. Your dad will have some things to say to you."

"I know. Thanks pop."

"You're welcome."

End Part 4

Part 5 - The fallout


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout.

Staring at the ceiling, Ray Vecchio listened to the crashing waves outside his bedroom window as he tried to will himself to sleep. On other nights those waves had soothed into sleep, but tonight was not to be one of those nights. He had a meeting at eight in the morning, that he could probably conduct with his eyes closed, but he didn't want that to actually be the case. The clock on the night table glowed three a.m. He'd been tossing and turning since going to bed three hours before.

It would be nice if this night was the exception but lately it was the rule. Ray sighed heavily in the darkness. Currently there were no indications that this situation would change soon. His hand slid past his silk waistband to his shaft. Maybe this would help. As his nimble fingers began to stroke, the phone rang. Its distinctive ring immediatly signaled which phone it was. The family red phone. Though it had been a long time since he'd gotten a call on the family phone, it was not entirely unexpected.

Ma was no spring chicken and her health had deteriorated steadily over the years. Snapping his hand out of his underwear, Ray flung his legs over the side of the bed. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the tiny phone.

"Tell me." The unfamiliar voice on the other end started talking. And as he listened, the retired cop's focus immediately divided in two. He listened to the voice on the other end of the receiver, filing away the info that he had to have as he simultaneously turned on the lights in his bedroom, began dressing and packing an overnight bag.

"Thank you for calling." He mumbled as he flipped the phone shut and pulled on his socks and slipped on his shoes. Now completely dressed, Ray reached for his keys and found that his hands were shaking. Without stopping, he grabbed the keys, his business phone and started dialing. Under an ordinary circumstance, Ray would have loved this drive in from the beach. On weekends past when he and Jersey had time, he would put the top down on the most recent classic version of the Riv and they would drive Sunset to PCH and back again.

Instead, at this moment Ray had little ability to appreciate the virtually deserted stretch. He made call after arrangement making call. Getting the things into place that needed to be put into place. He was aware enough to be grateful for these tasks at hand. It kept him from thinking of the real implications of the phone call that had him scurrying around his bedroom at three in the morning. Making the phone calls kept grief from overtaking him, kept him from driving his shiny sports car off the side of the road.

He was headed for the West Hollywood house but remembered last call was only just a little over an hour gone and his husband might still be at the Trattoria. As he cruised the street in front of the building, he could see light emanating from the main dining room. It took no time to find a parking space on the street. As the engine quieted, Ray Vecchio stared at the entrance to the place that held some of the best memories of his life. He and Jersey had gotten married at the Trattoria, celebrated birthdays and anniversaries here. Tears threatened as he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to taint the restaurant with this news, but he had no choice. He could go to the house to wait but he didn't know when Jersey would be home. He didn't even know if his husband would be home. For the last four weeks it hadn't been Ray's business where Jersey spent his nights. That truth coupled with the grief clawing at Ray's heart almost kept him locked in the sanctuary of his car.

Unlocking the restaurant's front door with his key, Ray didn't have to go very far to find the man from whom he'd been separated for almost a month. Jersey sat at their table, facing the door, eating what Ray assumed was a very late dinner. His eyes tracked Ray as he moved a little hesitantly into the dining room.

Butterflies danced in Jersey's stomach as he watched his husband walk towards him. He missed Ray and it was easy in the first moment of seeing him to forget what had happened in Montreal. He stood and waited with his arms open. Ray stepped into them and they held each other.

"I missed you," he whispered into Ray's neck.

"I missed you too." Came the quick reply. Ray tightened his hold on his husband. He stroked his hand through Jersey's hair, inhaled the familiar scent of the restaurant on his skin. Took momentary comfort in the sweet warmth of his love's body and wished that there was some way to make it last.

**********************

"You wanna tell me why you're pimpin' our kid to the Mountie."

Ray had known that Jersey wasn't going to take Oscar's news well, but he had truly been surprised at the ugliness. After leaving his son's place he'd waited until he got back to his room to call his husband. Toeing off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket, Ray dialed Jersey on his cell.

"Hey, it's me." Ray said as he sprawled on the bed.

"Hey." Came Jersey's voice and Ray felt some of the morning's tension melt from his body. How's the kid? Is he there with you?"

"No, we just had breakfast. He's at his place."

"You meet the girlfriend...boyfriend."

"I met him." Ray could hear Jersey's grin through the phone.

"Okay, boyfriend. That's progress. What's the deal?"

"It's Benton Fraser." There was a silence on the other end and Ray clutched his phone tightly to his ear. Waited.

"Sorry, babe I was walking through the kitchen. I don't think I heard you right."

"You probably did," Ray answered quietly. "Oscar's been seeing Benton Fraser for the last four months."

And then there was silence on the other end of the line. Deafening silence. "Jersey?" Nothing.

Ray looked at the display as it flashed the duration of the call. Barely a minute. It took only a minute for his marriage to start to fall apart, but he hadn't known that at the time.

He didn't bother to try Jersey again on any of his other phones. He simply flipped his cell shut, put it on his chest and waited. Twenty minutes later Jersey called back. Ray let his phone dance across his chest a few seconds before he answered.

"Yeah."

"My flight will be there around six, do I need to get a cab or will you pick me up?"

With resignation, Ray swung his legs over the side of the bed. He opened the night table drawer to find a pen and piece of paper. "I'll pick you up. What's your flight number?"

The ride in from Dorval had been mostly quiet. Ray did his best to gauge his husband's mood. The flight hadn't done much to dissipate his anger, that was apparent in the tightness of his jaw. That much he could see. But he hadn't come off the plane screaming for Benton's head so Ray thought there might be room to work. In the car Jersey'd asked only one question.

"We going to Oscar's?"

"I thought we should go to the hotel and talk first." Jersey cut his eyes at Ray and said nothing else for the rest of the drive.

Once in the privacy of Ray's room, Jersey erupted. "What the hell is going on Ray?"

As neutrally as he could Ray tried to explain that their son was in love, that the Mountie apparently was in love. And that got Ray the coldest look from his spouse he had ever seen.

"You tell him he has to come home?"

"Come home? Baby, he's a grown man. And he paid for this program himself. We got no leverage here."

"So then your answer is no. What the fuck Ray? We can't let this go on."

"There isn't much we can do to stop it. They aren't going to give each other up."

"Oscar would if you told him to. If you told him the truth."

"He wouldn't. Trust me. I've talked to him. Parenting 101 honey, you know that."

"Give me the keys. I want to see my kid."

Shaking his head, "No, you're way too angry."

"Hell yeah and I can't figure out why you're not. The crazy ass Mountie is corrupting our son. I can't believe that you would allow this."

"I'm not allowing anything. He loves Oscar and -"

"Oh good Christ Ray. You of all people know what that means. You know what men his age want with boys like Oscar. He `loves' Oscar. You want our kid to be walking wounded like you were. You gonna let this son of a bitch cheat on our kid the way he cheated on you."

Ray paled. They had never talked details about his breakup with the Mountie. Ray had never said a thing about Kowalksi.

"Geez, Ray,"Jersey huffed as he ran his hands through his hair. "You think it's some big mystery, the way you were. It was pretty obvious what he did to you. That he cheated on you. And he's wrapping you around his finger again. You know that this is wrong."

"Jersey if we don't play this right - "

"You wanna tell me why you're pimpin' our kid to the Mountie."

And there it was. They'd had arguments during the marriage, but nothing like this. Maybe it was the fact that this was his third marriage, but Ray saw the moment for what it was. Things were about to be said that could never be taken back. All he saw in Jersey's face was bitter anger, no awareness that they had just run full speed to the edge of a cliff and were teetering.

"You son of a bitch," Ray whispered as he stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

*********************************

Running his hands up and down Ray's back, Jersey felt the tension and tried to pull away to get a look at Ray's face, but his husband wouldn't let him go. Jersey didn't try to pull away again. It felt good to be held by Ray. He could smell the ocean on Ray's skin. They'd owned the Malibu house less than a year, its purchase coinciding with the opening of a new restaurant off of PCH. A more intimate version of the Trattoria. The plan was for them to eventually sell the house in West Hollywood and retire to the beach. Now it looked like that plan would not come to fruition. As much as Jersey loved Ray. As willing as he would be even to indulge in a late night booty call, he wasn't ready for Ray to move back into the main house.

The restauranteur hadn't wanted to ask his husband to leave their home, but he didn't know what else to do. After their return from Canada, he couldn't bear for Ray to touch him. He found sometimes that he could barely look at him. As far as Jersey was concerned the man who was supposed to forsake all others had chosen Benton Fraser over his family. Ray had chosen to make a gift of their son's innocence to the Mountie.

"What's wrong?"

"Oscar has been in an accident." Jersey tried to pull away again but the arms around him were unyielding.

The words would barely come, but he managed to get them out.

"Is he okay?"

There was nothing Ray could do about the break in his voice.

"No....he isn't."

End Part 5


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Repulse Bay is an actual place and if anyone has actually been there and I got it wrong, I apologize. Also the bad Spanish and Italian are all mine, trying for a mash-up because they're are three language family. 
> 
> Story Notes: If you didn't read the warning or couldn't tell by the end of the last installment, something bad happens, but not to Benny or Ray.

_Sitting at the foot of the bed, Benton caressed the flannel covered lump under the blanket until it moaned. "You have got to stop getting up at the crack of -" Oscar flipped the blanket from over his head. "I can't even say crack of dawn cause there's no sun yet." He murmured sleepily. The young man pushed himself up into a sitting position. " You're retired Benton, you don't have to see the start of each day. Mmm, what smells so good." The ex-Mountie beamed at him._

_"I made breakfast."_

_Oscar glanced at the tray next to him on the night table. "You made my favorite." The young man stared at the bowl of blueberry oatmeal like it was the most remarkable thing in the world, then his eyes traveled back to Benton's._

_"Where did you even get blueberries?"_

_"They're freeze dried. I brought them with me." Fraser sought Oscar's hand and entwined their fingers. "I awoke at the crack of dark and dawn at least one thousand mornings to stand in front of a building, it is nothing but a pure pleasure to be able to rise similarly for the next thousand mornings to bring you a bowl of oatmeal."_

_Oscar's eyes sparkled at Fraser as he reached for him and planted a soft kiss on the older man's welcoming mouth._

_"I love you."_

_"And I you," Fraser grinned around the kiss. And then his hand was under the winter silks covering Oscar's chest and his other hand began to work down the waistband of his bottoms._

_"The oatmeal will get cold."_

_"I brought lots of blueberries," Benton whispered._

*****************************

"Can I get you anything else, Mr. Vecchio," the flight attendant asked softly. Ray shook his head in the negative as he continued to stroke his fingers through Jersey's hair. The attendant gave Ray a sympathetic smile before heading back to the galley. He loved Jersey's hair long and his husband knew that. A month ago it had been about shoulder length with little silver strands Ray liked to tease him about. Now it stopped right at his nape. And Ray couldn't help but trace his finger back and forth over the smooth skin of his husband's neck. Wondered if Jersey cut his hair the same night Ray moved out or if he waited a couple of days. Not that any of that mattered now. Leaning down, Ray placed a gentle kiss on Jersey's temple. "I love you." He murmured.

His gaze skittered to one of the passenger cabin's unshuttered windows. If you were gonna have connections, the exhausted man thought, law enforcement and the entertainment industry were the best to have. He'd been on this jet before and appreciated the luxury and elegance of the plush leather seats, the couch, the fully stocked bar, kitchen and medicine cabinet. It was truly riding in style. The medicine cabinet had come in extremely handy. By the time they reached the Burbank airport, he could see that Jersey's initial shock was starting to wear off. And Ray couldn't even begin to know what that would mean. As soon as they boarded the plane, he went to the cabinet and found what he was looking for. In the main cabin, he handed Jersey a glass of wine and a pill. His husband was still shocky enough to accept both without any questions. Ray knew that he wasn't going to be able to get away with anything like that once they got where they were going. But his husband would be able to get at least a few hours of solid sleep. Ray understood that he too should try and get some sleep but there was too much going on in his head, in his heart.

And though he wasn't going to sleep, he appreciated the quiet, the relative solitude of the private charter. He'd helped get a studio exec's kid out of a jam once. The grateful mother made the standard declaration "if there's ever anything I can do...." She was Ray's first phone call on the way to the restaurant.

His second call was to his partner in his consulting business. One of the last officers he'd supervised before retiring, she lived with her father just down the beach from the Malibu house. Ray laid the situation down. Like the professional she was, she tabled whatever emotion she felt at Ray' news and helped him make a tasklist.

*********************  
 _Benton kept peeping over the top of his novel as Oscar sat quietly, curled at the opposite end of the couch reading through a leather covered notebook sized journal. Their socked feet played footsies. Occasionally, Oscar would laugh and scribble something on one of the pages before moving to the next. Until about a half an hour later. "I don't guess we can call it "If You Give A Diefenbaker A Donut." Oscar grinned at Benton._

_"I beg your pardon."_

_"When we were kids one of my little cousin's had a book called "If You Give A Pig A Pancake...."_

_Benton's brows knitted. "Why would anyone give a pig a pancake?"_

_"Why would anyone give a half wolf a donut?"_

_"Ah, I see your point."_

_"I wish I'd met Diefenbaker. He sounds like quite a character."_

_"Yes, that he was."_

_"I think kids will really love these stories Benton and their parents won't mind reading it to them a billion times. A guy I know from school does these really beautiful watercolor sketches, I want to e-maoil him one of the stories and a picture of Diefenbaker . He hasn't found a job yet so I'm sure he could knock some sample illustrations out pretty quickly. We could definitely self publish but if you want to go the conventional route I think...what? Why are you looking at me like that? What?_

_"This isn't how I pictured my retirement from the RCMP." Oscar's face fell a little._

_"You don't want to do the book? I just thought -" Benton squeezed Oscar's foot to quiet him and he shook his head._

_"The book is a...I never thought...You and I have talked before about this. I knew that it was time for me to leave the RCMP, but the shape of my retirement had not truly formed in my mind. I knew that I would come back to the Northwest Territories. I didn't know what I would do. You have given me a sense of purpose that I didn't think I would have._

*********************

THUNK! Ray's eyes flew open and his hand flew out to grab for his Glock. Instead another hand clasped his and held it tightly.

"Ray, Ray, it's okay. That was the landing gear. We're still on the plane." It took Ray another moment to focus on his husband's knowing eyes. It had been a long time since he'd awakened in this kind of panic. He shouldn't have been waking up at all. The last thing he remembered was stroking Jersey's newly shortened hair and going over the list of things to do when they hit the ground. It wasn't his intention to sleep.

Jersey peered at him closely. Satisfied that Ray was properly oriented, he let go of the gun seeking hand and slid into one of the leather chairs opposite the couch. His voice when he spoke again was quiet and only someone who knew him as well as Ray Vecchio would pick up on the anger.

"The pilot said we'd be landing in about 10 minutes. You need to put your seatbelt on. " His gaze shifted to one of the open windows in the cabin. All that he saw was snow, with the occasional building dotting the landscape. "Montreal has certainly changed a lot since the last time I was here."

Jersey turned a measured gaze on his husband and waited. Ray's own expression turned apologetic. This was one of the primary reason's sleep wasn't on his agenda. He'd wanted to be awake when Jersey woke so that he could explain. In the haste of trying to get them to the airport, he hadn't clarified where in Canada they were going. It wasn't as though the specific destination was going to make a difference in whether or not they came. The flight attendant and he thought the pilot had both mentioned the destination when they boarded, but Jersey was still shocky so it hadn't really registered.

"We're in Repulse Bay." Waiting for the rest Jersey simply stared at him. " Near the Arctic Circle."

A series of expressions flitted across Joseph Alta's face. None of them heartened Ray.

"This is where the Mountie's from?"

"Not this particular town. But sort of this general area, yeah."

"I see," he said. And Ray could see as well. Jersey was furious. Ray guessed that it was good that they weren't completely alone and probably wouldn't be for the next several hours, but when they were again.....

The jet landed without incident. Ray watched closely as his husband bundled into the winter wear neither of them had worn in years. Ray's own was a little tighter than he remembered but it would serve its purpose. His mind flashed briefly on his first winter fashion foray in the Territories and instead of bringing a smile to his lips like it once did, he suddenly felt the sting of tears. He quickly extinguished that memory. Now was definitely not the time to fall apart.

With the two of them all bundled up, they stepped from the plane and found a brown uniformed Mountie waiting for them on the tarmac. Ray felt Jersey hesitate behind him but he kept moving forward with an unfaltering step. This Mountie was young, probably close to their son's age. He was Inuit and Ray found that a relief.

"Mr. Vecchio, Mr. Alta I'm Constable Skeekoo, I have been assigned to help facilitate matters while you're in Repulse Bay." He extended his hand to Ray who shook it quickly.

Jersey pointedly put his own hands in his pockets and stared at some point past the Constable's ear. Undeterred the Mountie continued. "Well, then shall we get your luggage?"

*******************

"I want to see my son."

The Constable looked in the rearview mirror of the RCMP jeep. "Certainly Mr. Alta I would be -"

"I thought maybe we should go to the room first." Ray interrupted.

"You can go to the room if you want, just have Canada's finest drop me off."

"No, no. If you want to go see Oscar first then that's what we'll do," Ray answered softly. "Thank you Constable Skeekoo.".

Repulse Bay wasn't a very large community and it didn't take long for them to arrive at the two story concrete building. Constable Skeekoo parked the jeep and escorted the parents through the entrance of the Repulse Bay Community Hospital.

He tipped his hat as he ushered them past the main reception and down a long corridor. When they got to the next area of reception it was obvious they were expected. They were greeted by an attendant in scrubs who seemed to already know who they were. The Constable introduced them anyway as Ray slipped his hand into Jersey's.

"Hello Wayne, this is Mr. Vecchio and Mr. Alta, the young man's parents."

"Yes, Mr. Vecchio, Mr. Alta right this way...."

Ray looked at Jersey who nodded and they both turned as one to follow the other man the rest of the way down the corridor to a set of double doors. A few feet from the doors, the hand in Ray's disappeared. He turned to find Jersey swaying beside him. His eyes pleaded with Ray.

The attendant stopped and looked at both men. "If you need more time...there are also other ways..."

"I don't think I can do this," Oscar's dad whispered. Ray nodded at the waiting attendant. "Can you give us a few minutes."

"Whenever you're ready." He answered. There's a family lounge just to the left if you want privacy."

"Thank you." Ray stepped back to Jersey and put his arm around his shoulders as he guided him into the lounge. They both sat and Ray took his love's hands in his. "You don't have to do this. It's not....I've done this before. It doesn't make you less if you can't do this."

"I'm his dad. How can I not. I just need a minute. I just...It's so fast. It's happened so fast." They sat in silence for five minutes clutching each others hands, then Jersey stood.

"Okay."

"Okay." Ray took his hand again.

As soon as they stepped through the double doors, Jersey dropped Ray's hand, stepped around the attendant and went to their son's side. Yanking his hands out of his gloves, the father gently touched his son's face.

"Oh, mi muchacho bello, mi hijo bello. Oh God." Ray's arm slipped around his husband's waist to brace his sagging body. Were it not for the purple bruising on the right side of Oscar's face, Ray thought, their son could simply be sleeping peacefully. Tears ran unchecked down Jersey's face. Ray steeled himself. The two of them stood like that for several minutes staring at the too still body of the boy they had raised. The boy whose smile and love and goodness they would never experience again. Ray's fingers ran over Oscar's cool hand while Jersey continued to caress Oscar's cheek and murmur to him in Spanish. Suddenly Jersey's knees buckled and Ray tightened his hold.

"Okay, baby. Okay baby come on. I've got you." Supporting most of Jersey's weight, Ray led him back through the double doors. Constable Skeekoo came to his assistance as soon as they were out of the viewing room. Together they got the distraught man seated.

Wayne appeared in the doorway with a clipboard in his hand.

"There's some paperwork I need to sign. It'll only take a minute. Okay." Head in hands, Jersey nodded mutely.

"I'll stay with him Mr. Vecchio."

"Thank you Constable."

******************

"Mr. Vecchio, I am terribly sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Ray answered tightly.

"I need you to sign here acknowledging formal identification. And also here acknowledging receipt of your son's personal effects."

Ray signed in the designated spaces and reached numbly for the box offered in his direction. The attendant initialed the paperwork and handed the appropriate copies to Ray.

"Again Mr. Vecchio, I am sorry." Ray nodded absently as he slid the lid off the box. The clothes Oscar had been wearing were wrapped in plastic and combined with his boots and jacket took up most of the space in the box. There was a padded manila envelope which Ray assumed contained his son's watch and wallet. He lifted the flap on the envelope and peered inside.

********************

As soon as his foot hit the threshold of the room Jersey was talking. "When can I take my son home? The flight crew is still here right? We can go right now can't we?"

The other half of the grieving couple wavered in the lounge doorway with the box clutched tightly in his hands. "Mr. Vecchio, would you like me to put the box in the jeep."

"Yes, Constable. Thank you."

After the door closed behind Skeekoo -

"We might not have the right."

"What?" Jersey's dead eyes suddenly blazed at Ray. "What the hell are you talking about? Maybe we can't go right now, but maybe in an hour or so. He's my son, he's an American citizen. There can't possibly be any kind of Canadian law barring next of kin from -"

"Legally speaking we might not be next of kin."

"What? The adoption was legal, we can get the papers faxed. He's - ."

"He's married."

"Married? Married? To who? What makes you think he's married?" Reaching into his pocket, Ray pulled out a gold band. "This was in with his belongings. "

Jersey cut his eyes to the door, then back to the ring. His eyes locked on his husband's "the Mountie?"

"Jersey -"

"Where the hell is he? My son, my son is on a slab in the goddamn morgue, in the fuckin' Arctic Circle. My kid is a soccer playing surfer from Southern California. He's got no business here."

"The Mountie was unconscious when they brought him in."

Jersey exploded out of his chair. "That son of a bitch. That son of a bitch is still breathing and my son is gone. Where the hell is he? I want to see him."

Jersey angrily pushed past Ray into the hallway. "I want to see that son of a bitch right now."

Ray followed on his heels. "You're not thinking clearly, let's go to the Inn and ...."

"Do not patronize me. I want to see the asshole that killed my son."

"Fraser didn't -."

"Where's the Mountie? They can't possibly have more than one hospital in this town. So he must be here."

Ray grabbed Jersey by the upper arm and held on to him. "If you don't dial it down, we're gonna get tossed out on our asses. Listen to me okay. I'm still....I...apparently the Mountie never changed his emergency/next of kin notification so I'm...they'll tell me what's going on, but not if you're acting like a lunatic."

"I didn't know there was a particular way to act when your son's been killed," he growled as he shook Ray's hand off his arm and stalked away. Stunned, Ray fought against the beginning sting of tears as he watched his husband walk away.

Twenty minutes later they were on the Mountie's floor. The anger rolling off Jersey was so palpable they were getting the fish eye from the staff.

The events of the day were catching up with Ray and he didn't know how much longer he could keep it together. He could feel the heat of his own anger rising. If his husband said `my son' one more time Ray thought that he might punch him. On some level he understood what was happening to them. Understood that it was their separation, the grief and the lack of real sleep combining to undo them both. The hope was always that tragedy would bring people together, but Ray knew that wasn't always the case. In his career he'd seen it first hand. It frightened him that he and his husband might be those people. The one's who sank into bitterness and rage instead of reaching out to support one another. He couldn't believe they were going to be like parents he'd seen at crime and accident scenes involving the loss of a child, the ones that stare at each other with silent accusation and blame. Sometimes not so silent, instead hurling ugliness for all to hear, "well if you had picked him up from daycare on time', `if you hadn't let her go with her friends' and on and on.

The ten years of marriage hadn't seemed to give them any kind of foundation to the deal with their son's relationship. Now with his sudden death, Ray could hear the unmistakable accusation each time Jersey used `my son'. The same as he had in Montreal.

Constable Skeekoo had located them and was watching without watching. His stance telegraphed that he was ready to jump in if the need arose. Good God Ray thought one of us is probably gonna end up in the Repulse Bay jail tonight.

He motioned for Jersey to step a little away from the Mountie and the nurse's station.

"He is still unconscious so he doesn't know. I'm gonna have to tell him. Anything you think you have to say has to wait. Please, let Skeekoo drive you to the Inn and I will call you I promise."

"You're protecting that bastard."

"Our son has been killed." Jersey flinched. "Fraser's husband has been killed and he doesn't know. I'm trying to do what's right. It's our responsibility now to do this right. Storming in there with accusations before he has a chance to hear it from family is not what he needs."

"And ladies and gentleman here we are at the point of it all. What he needs. What I need is my son back, what are you going to do to to take care of that?"

"Don't say another word." Ray gritted out as he clenched and unclenched his fists. For a split second, Jersey started to say something else then clamped his mouth shut and for the second time in an hour walked away from his distressed spouse.

Standing just inside the doorway, Ray quietly watched the simple rise and fall of Benton Fraser's chest. His son's husband. His son-in-law. It hurt more than Ray ever could have imagined the mix of joy and pain. His only child was gone, the Mountie wasn't. And he felt like he was drowning. Letting go wasn't an option. His family needed him. All of his family.

Ray took enough steps into the room to put him right at the Mountie's side. The injuries, considering, were minor; some bruising on his face, a concussion and a leg broken in two places. It might require surgery later but for now the doctors had simply set it and put it in a cast. As the grieving man peered more closely at the Mountie his eyes caught the glint of gold on Benton's left hand.

"Oh God Benny," Ray blew out in a despairing whisper as his fingers reached out of their own volition to stroke Fraser's forehead.

His other hand sought Fraser's and he slipped his fingers inside the loose grip. "I think, I think we really screwed the pooch this time Fraser. "

Fraser's eyelids flickered slightly but he did not wake. For several minutes Ray quietly brushed his fingers across the pale forehead. The warmth of the skin underneath his fingers a lifeline.

"Isn't this cozy?" Ray's fingers came away from the Mountie's forehead and his hand out of the loose grip instantly. Jersey stepped into the room eyes blazing and Ray cut him off before could get to the bed.

"Don't." Ray hissed as he strong armed his husband up against one of the room's walls. "Not here, not now. You will go back to the hotel and wait for me to call you. Do I make myself clear?" A menace from long ago flashed in Ray's eyes and for a moment Jersey faltered. If he'd been familiar with the name Lagostini he might have been frightened.

********

Their boots crunched side by side in the snow as they walked along the road. The occasional car passed. Sometimes the driver would honk and both men would wave. Every few steps, the retired Mountie couldn't help but glance in awe at his new husband tromping happily beside him. The delight on Oscar's face was almost more than Benton could stand. It was so unadulterated in it's purity.

A couple of times Fraser caught Oscar sticking his tongue out like a little kid to catch snowflakes on his tongue. Fraser couldn't help but smile. He was content. As improbable as it all was, he was in love. Warm all over, there wasn't any part of his heart he'd concealed from the man beside him. As he reflected, his pace slowed a bit allowing Oscar' to get a few feet ahead.

"Oscar," Benton called to him. The young man turned and flashed a brilliant smile that lit up everything. "Hey, slowpoke get a move on." Benton jogged to close the distance between and when they were toe to toe, the besotted man pulled his future into his arms and began a thorough exploration of his tonsils. There was a moan of pleasure as Oscar attempted to give as good as he got then suddenly Benton's full arms were empty and there was darkness. The startled man tried to widen his eyes to see and opened his mouth to scream.

"Oscar?" Had they not been locked in a silent battle of wills neither of the angry men in the room would have heard. The barely audible voice broke the standoff. As Ray's attention shifted to the bed, Jersey shoved him hard. Caught by surprise Ray lost his balance and fell on his ass. Jersey was at Benton's bedside in an instant.

"You son of a bitch," he yelled as he grabbed a fistful of the barely conscious man's hospital gown. He's gone, are you happy now? You got what you wanted are you happy now?" Ray got to his feet as fast as he could and forced his body between the Mountie and his husband, breaking the grip the other man had on the patient.

"JERSEY STOP."

"I'm gonna kill him. Get out of the way Ray."

Out of the corner of his eye Ray saw the Constable dash into the room. An orderly and a nurse hovered anxiously just in the hall. In seconds, Skeekoo had the out of control dad off of Ray and restrained on the other side of the room.

"Mr. Alta I need you to calm down. I am going to have to escort you from this room and if you find that you are unable to cooperate with me, then I shall have no choice but to put you under arrest. Under the circumstances I would hope that it does not come to that drastic an action."

"Oscar?" The patient murmured again as he continued to fight his way to full consciousness. Ray placed his hand gently on the Mountie's head and heard a low rumble behind him.

"Mr. Alta, please." The Constable stepped back to allow Jersey to precede him out of the room. "You all stick together don't you," he hissed before stalking out. With the threat removed, the nurse entered the room and began checking Fraser's vital signs.

Ray stroked his fingers across Benton's forehead once more. "Fraser, I'll be right back and I will explain everything."

Still foggy and slightly bewildered, Benton could only blink at Ray. In the hallway, Ray found his husband with his forehead pressed against the wall. The Constable stood watching over him with a wary eye.

"Constable Skeekoo can you take my husband to the Inn and see that he gets checked in."

Despairing brown eyes swimming in betrayal looked at Ray. But he averted his own eyes. "Thank you, Constable."

This time Ray was the one to walk away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Triage

It had gone down badly. There was no reason to expect that it would be otherwise. Still suffused with the otherness that possessed him to manhandle his husband, Ray strode into Fraser's room. It shouldn't have gone down like that skittered through Ray's mind, but he was in charge of this operation.

Although the nurse's body blocked a full view, he could see Fraser's leg shifting restlessly. And he heard him croak out the word `please'. The nurse moved aside so that Fraser could see him without obstruction. Beseeching, bewildered eyes watched as he moved closer to the bed.

The crushing weight of this present responsibility suddenly squeezed all the frightening otherness out of Ray. The words that he'd spoken to Jersey about family responsibility were sincere. If Fraser had been anyone else, married to their son and suddenly widowed, Jersey would have clearly seen that it was their responsibility to offer comfort and assure their new daughter or son in law of their place with Oscar's family. A darker thought peeped out of the corners of Ray's brain. But maybe it was more like one of Pavlov's dogs. Benton Fraser was hospitalized and Raymond Vecchio was in his designated place beside his bed. Like a magnet to steel. Like old times.

But this wasn't old times. There were other considerations. Ray was a married man and he'd sent his grieving husband, alone, to their hotel room under police escort. He pushed that thought down as he got closer to the bed. Stroking Fraser's forehead, he searched for the words. As with Jersey, in the restaurant, he longed for some way to avoid the words' tainting effect. The next thing that he said to Fraser would live with his ex for the rest of his life, probably echo in his head forever. Ray didn't want one more hurtful thing, said in his voice, rolling around in Benton's head. He didn't want his voice to be the one telling Benton Fraser that he'd been left behind yet again. As the blue eyes continued to beseech him, Ray brushed his fingers gently across the Mountie's forehead.

In his periphery, the nurse busied herself updating Fraser's chart. A needle was also at the ready. No one had discussed it with Ray. He hoped that it wouldn't come to that, but the deja vu was thick. And this loss was so much more than the loss of Stanley Kowalski. This was...

Unwilling to put words to the horror, Ray continued his gentle touch as he reached into his pants pocket with his other hand. Pressing his son's orphaned wedding band into Fraser's palm, he sealed it there with his own, then held on and waited. There was a sharp intake of breath from the man in the bed and wreckage in his eyes. Ray tilted his head slightly to give final silent acknowledgement.

Benton's hand tightened around his ex-husband's and for one ridiculous second Ray thought there was a chance Fraser would be able to bear the loss.

Using his ex partner's hand for leverage, the newly widowed man tried to get out of the bed. A task made near impossible with a leg in a cast, in traction. No effort was wasted trying to calm or soothe him with words. Ray simply motioned to the nurse who injected Fraser quickly and efficiently.

Unlike what he'd been given in Arizona all those year ago, this one worked fast. Because of Fraser's concussion they didn't give him enough to put him out, just enough to sap his will. And because he remained conscious, his eyes were still able to plead with Ray. And it tore Ray's heart to meet the gaze head on but he did. He held onto Benton's dry hand, the wedding band still pressed between. With his other hand he stroked through the hair grown longer than when he'd seen him a month ago and still grayer at the temples. His mouth wouldn't form the useless words that no one in their situation would believe. His mouth would not say `everything will be okay', ` you'll be okay.' Instead he said the only true thing his brain could come up with. "I'm here Fraser. I'm right here." And he was until the Mountie eventually lost the fight against his exhaustion and grief and drifted off to sleep.

For a flicker of a moment Ray entertained the idea of staying but there wasn't much else he could do. Closing the Mountie's fist around the band, Ray brushed his lips across the sleeping man's forehead and left.

Standing just outside the door of the hospital staring at the snow, Ray's mind was adrift. He hated the snow. Really hated it. When he was married to the Mountie he knew that it would be an undeniable part of his life. Fair was fair. The Mountie had made his home in Chicago. So starting with their honeymoon when they went on vacation they either split the time between some place warm where Ray wanted to go and somewhere in the N.W.T. He loved the Mountie and so he put up with it. It wasn't until he moved to California that he could fully admit how much he disliked traditional winter in general and the snow especially. One November, shortly after he and Jersey were officially together, enjoying a barbecue in eighty-two degree weather, Ray knew that he would never live in a place that snowed again. He loved his mother, his sisters, his nieces and nephews but never again.

Since their marriage there'd only been one other time when they'd had no choice. A promising potential investor in the Trattoria's special event catering service believed in mixing business and pleasure. The pleasure involved skiing in Big Bear. They'd sucked it up and got the Gortex and the winter silks but neither of them was too happy about it. And in later years when Oscar wanted to go snowboarding they were only too happy to let him go with the family of a friend. He'd forgotten and Jersey must have too, about the snowboarding. That their son didn't share the aversion to this weather that they did. Although if it were like this all the time, Ray wouldn't have minded. He couldn't actually feel the cold. Hadn't been able to feel it since getting off the plane.

"Mr. Vecchio, may I drive you to the Inn." Vecchio blinked a couple of times and found Constable Skeekoo idling at the curb in front of him. "Thank you, I would appreciate that."

The journey to the Bay Inn was relatively short in duration but long enough for Ray to make two requests. The first the Constable was able to see to immediately by simply reaching into the glove box. The second request would take a little more time, but the Constable radioed the post so that it could be undertaken quickly.

At the Inn, which bore more than a passing resemblance to a large warehouse, Ray absently thanked Skeekoo as he clutched the manila envelope that represented the fulfillment of his first request to the Constable. As at the hospital, the woman at the front desk seemed to know who Ray was before he opened his mouth. She gave him a smile shadowed with empathy as she handed him his card key and told him his room number. Ray smiled his thanks and moved off in the direction she indicated.

"Oh,'" he paused for a minute, it couldn't hurt to ask, "It's possible we may need another room. Do you have another one available?"

"Yes, Mr. Vecchio we took the liberty of putting a second room on hold." Her smile indicated simple pleasure at their accurate anticipation of his need and their ability to fulfill that need. He wondered briefly if she would be quite as pleased to know that he wasn't asking necessarily on behalf of other family, but because he might be in need of his own room. He'd laid his hands on Jersey in anger. He'd stayed at the Mountie's side. Even though he did what was necessary, a civilian might not see it that way.

"Thank you," he said again as he moved in the direction of their room.

Bracing his hands on either side of the door to his room, Ray took a moment to listen. There were no sounds coming from the other side of the door. Squeezing his eyes shut, the beleagured husband concentrated on getting himself back in the proper frame of mind. Then he straightened and keycarded the door.

"Hey." Ray said quietly. Jersey, who was simply standing in the center of the room, focused reddened eyes on Ray.

"Hey." His eyes moved briefly to the envelope but he watched silently as Ray unzipped and unbuckled his winter gear. Ray tossed the gear on the quilted bed, the envelope on the dresser.

"Have you eaten?" Jersey blinked a couple of times before responding.

"No, I haven't really, no I haven't." It was on the tip of Ray's tongue to ask his husband if he was okay, but that would be stupid. He stepped closer to Jersey who didn't flinch. Only kept watching. Reaching out tentatively, Ray brushed his fingers across the soft skin of his husband's cheek. Jersey's eyes fluttered closed for a second and a tear slid down his cheek onto Ray's hand.

"Lo siento," Ray breathed in his husband's ear as he pulled him into a tight embrace. "Lo siento." The body in his arms shivered violently and the embrace was tightened that much more.

"I...I two wayed Frannie and Maria." Ray pulled back from Jersey so that he could look into his eyes. Again his finger traced the outline of his husband's tear stained cheek. "They're going to go together to tell your mother. Then Frannie is making arrangements to meet us in LA, to help with...everything. She said she'd try and get a flight out either tonight or tomorrow. "

"Okay, okay." It wasn't a battle that Ray wanted to fight right then. His husband hadn't asked him to leave the room. Everything else could wait for a little while. At least until after they ate.

"Do you want me to get something from room service."

"I don't have much of an appetite.."

"I know baby but we've got to eat. You didn't get to finish your dinner so maybe a little something now."

"The menu's on top of the television. I have to call Manuel I didn't have time to go over the invoices with him."

"Okay."

They ate at their rather generous steak dinners in silence. Each man pushed various parts of the meal around on the plate. And there was silence between them that had only just become a part of their marriage. Just before Ray moved into the Malibu house.

"I love you." Ray said catching Jersey in mid chew. Jersey finished chewing quickly and swallowed.

"I know that Ray." The hurt resignation cut Ray to his core.

"What's in the envelope?"

"Um, we should wait until after we eat."

I'm sure it won't make my appetite any worse than it already is." Ray sipped his water.

"The Constable gave me a copy of the police report." Jersey's fork clattered to the table. And he clasped his hands tightly in his lap. "I see."

"Tell me."

"Try to eat a little bit more baby."

"Don't handle me. Tell me. Please, just tell me what happened."

"Okay, okay. I haven't read it yet. You understand it's only preliminary. They haven't had a chance...the Mountie hasn't given a statement yet."

Retrieving the manila envelope, Ray opened it and skimmed the contents of the stapled sheets of paper. He offered the copy of the report to his husabnd who closed his eyes and shook his head. "Just tell me."

"An accident like they told me. The driver may have been going too fast but the way the ice is on the road....he lost control of the car. Apparently he, our son Oscar was standing the closest to the road. I guess to the car. Oscar was clipped hard in one of the spins and thrown. Fraser was hit too but Oscar....His neck was broken. It doesn't appear that drugs or alcohol were involved."

Ray purposely left out what the driver said about what he thought the two men were doing when they got hit. If Jersey didn't want to read the report then there was no reason to tell him. It didn't add anything to the fact at hand. Their son had been killed in an apparently weather related traffic accident. A broken neck.

The crash of the plates, glasses and silverware to the carpet was jarring in a room that had been so silent before. Jersey stumbled up from the table and stared at what he'd done without seeing. Ray stepped to him immediately and grabbed him in a half restraint, half hug.

"Oh God, Ray." Jersey clutched his husband as his knees gave. Choosing not to fight the momentum, Ray sank to the carpet holding him tightly.

"Okay baby, okay."

After a time Ray's was able to get them off the floor and into bed. His husband's back solidly against his chest. Ray pressed his lips gently to Jersey's neck as the words begin to spill out of him. He told stories about what Oscar was like as a baby. And Ray offered silent encouragement as his fingers ran soothing circles over Jersey's chest. Of course Ray knew a lot of the stories or had seen the home DVD's, but he didn't have the first hand memories of Oscar's younger years like Jerse,y did. His heart clenched at the hearing of these stories now. And the image of his bright shining boy flashed in his head. Ray felt the prickle of tears he would not allow to fall.

*****************

Jersey managed to get his eyes open just as Ray stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in one of the Inn's robes. He allowed himself a small moment to experience the simple pleasure he got from looking at this husband. Their lives would never be that way again he thought. Never just about the simple pleasures. It would always be shadowed by this family tragedy.

"I thought that you would have gone back to the hospital by now." His tone was even, no hint of accusation. And Ray answered neutrally.

"The Mountie has a sister. I explained to the Constable that she needed to be notified. He called last night while you were sleeping. They put her on a transport plane. I talked to her this morning, she's at the hospital."

"I'd like to leave today. He knows now there's no other reason for us to stay. I want to take my son home." Ray tried not to bristle again at the use of the exclusionary `my'.

"I've explained the situation to Maggie. She'll do what she can."

"I'm not -" Ray lifted his hand to stop the rest of the sentence.

"Maggie said that she would call me, so can we, maybe for an hour or two not do this?"

The call from Maggie came late in the afternoon. Jersey listened openly to the one sided conversation which consisted of a lot of `yes, yes' and `okay' from Ray's side. And with a final `I'll take care of it,' Ray concluded the call. Jersey tensed as his husband looked at him.

"We can take Oscar home today. There won't be any problems with that. "Maggie and her brother will be with us on the plane going back. "

When he said nothing Ray continued. "They can stay at the house in Malibu and I'll move back into our house." "No."

"To which part."

"I can't do this Ray. His parent's.... I was supposed to take care of him. They left him to me to take care of, not to put in the ground."

Ray knelt in front ofhis husband and slid his hands up his thighs. "You were - ," the past tense was like ash in Ray's mouth. "You were a great dad Joseph. You raised a good hearted, well-rounded, smart young man. You gave him the life his parent's wanted for him."

"We hardly talked at all in the last month."

"I know, I know but he knew that you loved him. That was never a question in his mind."

"Do you think that he really did?"

"Oh God, baby of course. Of course he did."

"I'm not even sure which of his friends to call. I don't know if I have the numbers."

"It's okay. I think I have a lot of them in my database at home and his ex- roommate can help us and Frannie will be there. You, we the family will help with this."

The funeral went as funerals do. Francesca had done an excellent job of handling most of the arrangements. In her capable hands, all the two fathers primarliy had to do was either say `yes those flowers' ` no not that casket' and so on. They'd managed to track down most of their son's friends. And with a stab of pain, Ray realized his son was the one, the first. Of his young friends, his son was the first in the group to go.

Welsh and Huey came to pay their respects. Elaine sent a nice arrangement. She was tied up in court and unable to get the time away. The Kowalski's also sent a deeply personal letter that Ray could not bring himself to read. Despite her fierce desire to attend, his mother was not in attendance. She was not well enough. If there had been any way for them to have simply kept the information from her, Ray would have chosen that option. She'd talked to Jersey a long time on the phone the night before. When Maria came to give Ray the phone, he'd pretended to be asleep.

The immediate family sat at the edge of the grave site in various degrees of pain and desolation. Earlier that morning, Ray had had to fight through a flash of hatred when his son's ex, Adam, stopped at the house to pay his respects. The despair and loss on the young man's face barely reached Ray. It kept rolling in his mind on a loop, if you hadn't left my son...

Fortunately, Jersey, Frannie and Maria had been at the house and the boy was able to offer his condolences unmolested. Still at the grave site service, Ray had difficulty seeing Adam with his new wife and keeping his temperature in check. He and Frannie flanked Jersey. Maggie was next to Frannie and Benton was ramrod straight on Maggie's other side. Maria, her husband, the grown nieces and nephews surrounded them as did the restaurant family. Oscar's friends from elementary, high school, their families and the group of people he hung out with at college as well as a couple of professors filled out the group of mourners. A couple of times Ray tried to steal a look at the Mountie. He'd seen him only briefly since returning from Repulse Bay.

Once the details for the funeral were arranged, Ray went to the Malibu house in person to give Maggie the details. As he and Maggie talked in the kitchen, he could see Benton huddled on his crutches at the edge of the Pacific. His former sister-in-law followed Ray's shuttered gaze. .

"He still has not spoken much since we've been here. He's spent a lot of time looking at the water."

And Ray heard his own fear echoed in what Maggie did not say. Even on crutches Benton could be in the water and gone in an instant. In the days leading up to the funeral Ray kept expecting to get that phone call.

Francesca stepped through the patio doors to the backyard. The water in the pool shimmered in the lights that illuminated the separation between the patio's concrete and the grass. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment and memories of other falls and summers spent at this house with her brother's family washed over her. And she felt the expected sting of tears at the realization that those times were irrevocably gone.

Opening her eyes, she stared at her reason for coming out here. In one of the adrirondack chairs, her older brother sat nursing a glass of wine. The opened bottle was on the ground beside him and she was gratified to see that it was still mostly full. Ray glanced briefly in her direction then back down to the glass he lifited to his lips.

Taking this as encouragement, Francesca stepped a little closer to her brother. "Is he asleep?" He asked without looking at her. She nodded then remembered he wasn't looking at her.

"Yes, he's sleeping." She started to say something else but she didn't really know how to deal with the silence. Not in this house. And everything was so weird. Her nephew gone and Benton Fraser, the widower. Neither her brother nor her brother-in-law seemed fully capable or willing to explain what happened. And Benton, well she hadn't seen him since the funeral and understandably at the funeral he seemed to mostly look through everyone. You didn't have to be a rocket specialist to realize that there was a lot going on.

So Francesca was left standing where their families had such great times together with nothing to bridge the gap between those times and these. His voice when he spoke was so quiet that she had to lean to catch the words.

"Everyone always thought that it was a love at first sight thing with me and Benny because he was so beautiful, but it wasn't. Not for me." Her brother lifted his glass to his lips and drank.

"Yeah I appreciated the package as much as anyone else but the rest of it was later.... at the diner. He was so..."

Ray's sister wasn't sure if she should encourage him to go on. Despite wanting to have the situation clarified, she now wasn't so sure she wanted to hear the rest of what her brother had to say. No one in the family had a crystal understanding about what ended Ray's second marriage. Joseph was also a brother to her now and she didn't want Ray to say something that would make her have to choose between them. She watched quietly as Ray drained his glass.

"His guard was down, the snideness was gone. He wore his loneliness and vulnerability with such dignity. Courage. And there was no way I wasn't gonna invite him back to house that night." Again Francesca searched for something to say. But before she could come up with anything, Ray spoke again in a ragged whisper.

"I should have had more courage that night." Again Francesca could think of nothing appropriate to say. She didn't want to make whatever was going on worse, even though right now it was hard to imagine it being worse.

"Ray, you should try and sleep," she said as she stepped close enough to pick up the wine bottle. Francesca refilled his glass and turned and took the bottle into the house with her.

"Thank you. Really. I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that he has someone to talk to."

**********************

"Hey Uncle Ray." Ray smiled at his nephew as he cut the convertible's engine. He climbed from the car and tossed the keys to his nephew Tony, Jr who waited for him in the driveway of the beach house.

"You wanna take the car back to the restaurant? Your Aunt Frannie and Uncle Joseph are there."

"You're gonna let me drive the convertible?"

"Yeah, life's short you know."

"Yeah." His nephew agreed somberly as he glanced back towards the house. "We just finished walking, if you wanna call it that. He's on the deck. He hasn't...he won't eat. I'm worried Uncle Ray. He's not..... He's really messed up. It's scary."

Ray embraced his nephew and kissed him on the forehead. "I know. I'll take care of it. You take the car, enjoy the drive. Be careful in the turns." "Thanks."

"You're a good man Tony."

"Thanks Uncle Ray."

Ray watched his nephew until he could no longer see the tail lights. His gaze swept to the slightly charred hills across the street from the house. There were only two more properties within immediate view. Standing in his drive looking at the beauty of the Santa Monica mountains and feeling the warm October breeze on his face, Ray understood just how fortunate he had been. For a guy with his background he'd done well. He'd survived his childhood without ending up mobbed up, didn't get killed in the line of duty, hadn't gone mental in the line of duty, although there were several times in Vegas that he thought he would. A few nights when he thought he had. He'd managed to come out with a minimum of drama and find two men who loved him and a son. "You'll never see your son surf that beach again," whispered through his mind. His knees buckled suddenly, but he managed to steady himself.

Turning finally to face his house, which on paper was straight out of one of those lifestyle shows, Ray could only see it now as the place that held the wreckage of his life. He doubted that he and his husband would ever live in it together.

******************** 

Since the funeral, Raymond Vecchio found that he had no choice but to look at some hard truths. He hadn't really chosen Jersey. Not in the classic sense. He did love Jersey, he had fallen in love with him, but at the time Jersey revealed his feelings, Ray still loved his ex-husband. And he'd made the decision to go back to Benny. But Benny had essentially refused him. Yes, he'd done it with an eye toward Ray's burgeoning feelings and his well being, but Ray was twisted up in knots after his encounter with Jersey. And that wasn't the best time to make a decision about his relationship with his ex.

And being that tied up he'd forgotten another one of the hallmarks of his second marriage. Benny was a self-flagellating son of a bitch. Were it an Olympic sport, he'd be a Canadian gold medalist. In their life together, Ray was the one who stepped in to tell Fraser to knock it off. But between Jersey's stunning offer, Benny practically shoving him in that direction, and his own considerable feelings for Jersey, Ray had been more than a little off-kilter.

On the heels of his return from his visit to Kowalski's grave and the accompanying guilt that was probably eating him for lunch, Fraser had done what any self- punisher would do. He gave up the thing he wanted most. He didn't fight for Ray. He simply tossed his Stetson in the ring and took a giant step back.

And Ray had stumbled into Jersey's arms. Comparatively, uncomplicated Joseph Alta. It had taken Ray about two years to settle into his new marriage. There were little moments of adjustment, but one he remembered clearlyt occured towards the end of the second year. They'd been at a party thrown by a friend of a friend. It was peopled with some truly stunning men and women. Predatory men and women. Despite his wedding band, Ray had been hit on several times. At some point it dawned on him that his husband was M.I.A. A low grade panic seeped into him. The need to track Jersey down overcame him. A twenty minute search of the Bel- Air estate, found Jersey more or less holding court in what seemed to be a small movie theatre.

He was telling a story to a mixed group of people. Their attentions were focused fully on him and he seemed to be in his element. His husband had to have a certain level of comfort with people to be in the restaurant business Rayunderstood, but he realized as he watched quietly out of Jersey's eyeline, that he'd made an assumption about his current husband based on his experience with his first husband. That weird feeling that had been nagging at him for months, nagging at him so consistently that he thought he might have to seek professional help, he was finally able to identify. With the Mountie, he operated with a Mountie attuned seventh sense, with an ear out waiting , waiting for the Mountie to get into trouble and need rescue.

On the street it had been a given, but in their home lives it was present as well. They rarely had anyone over who wasn't family and then usually it was only the kids. When they went to a gathering at his mother's house or an RCMP function or something having to do with Ray's job or sometimes just at a the convenience store, he was always on alert, at the ready to step in and defend the Mountie against unwanted advances, against misunderstandings about his nature, about his Canadianess. And his reward was always the brilliant breathtaking smile and love in Benny's eyes. At the time it seemed like an even trade. He liked being the unlikely Prince Charming, but watching Jersey hold court that night, he also remembered how tiring it was sometimes to be that person in the marriage. To be the buffer. Jersey didn't need that from him and as that realization dawned fully on Ray, he couldn't help but grin broadly. He was happy to at last name what had been plaguing him. He could finally relax into his new marriage. There would be no need to talk Joseph Alta down from any roofs. Jersey didn't need to be rescued and Ray was able to let go of the sense of apprehension.

The sober look he took at his third marriage, allowed Ray to find a context for Benny's relationship with his son. It echoed things Ray could see in his current relationship. The ease he and Jersey'd had until two months ago. The lack of substantial baggage. The lack of darkness. Estranged from his family, Joseph Alta made a new family. He didn't pine for the family that didn't want him. He embraced the one that did. He wasn't his. loss. And the same was true of his twenty-two year old son. He and Jersey had worked hard to raise a well-adjusted child. In the back of both their minds the Mountie loomed as an anti-role model for the upbringing of an orphaned boy. And they'd been successful.

Even allowing that Oscar and Fraser had a kinship based on the loss of their parents, they lived with it so differently. The truth was his son had survived the deaths of his parents. Even after all this time Ray wasn't sure he could say the same about Benton Fraser.

Ray grabbed a bottle wine from the wetbar as he moved through the house. He thought about stopping in the kitchen to get a glass but as far as he knew, the Mountie still didn't drink.

He found the Mountie still sitting on the deck in one of the two blue cushioned chaises.

"Hey, Benton." The muscle in Fraser's jaw tightened, but he didn't say anything. Ray lowered himself sideways onto the other chaise so that he faced Fraser and waited. They sat silently for fifteen minutes. Ray drinking from the bottle, Fraser staring out at the water.

"Carpe diem." Ray was glad that he hadn't been taking a drink at that moment or he might have spit all over his white linen shirt. The voice was so hoarse from disuse. Ray wouldn't have recognized it as Benton Fraser if he hadn't been sitting right next to Fraser.

Ray held his breath. He didn't want to do anything that might spook his friend. He took a drink and waited.

"I allowed him to get close to me that first night in Montreal because of what he was to you. Another young man even with the same extraordinary characteristics that he possessed would not have been allowed similar access. Complete access. I let him because he was your son."

Ray felt anger flare in his chest. He hadn't started drinking to get drunk, maybe just to get a little numb, but now he wondered if drunk weren't a better proposition. He didn't know if he could hear what Benton finally had to say.

"And he was exquisite. Remarkable. I took the opportunity that was presented to me without regard for the consequence." His laugh was harsh and ugly. When the sound mercifully faded, Benton's eyes flicked to Ray's then away.

"We were...he liked to walk in the snow. And there had been fresh snow the night before. He liked to walk while it was still had its pristine quality, so we were out at first light. Walking....by the road as we had on other ocassions. And he turned to me to me tell me to hurry because my sheer overwhelm at what he'd become to me caused me to lag behind. His smile lit up the world. When we were toe to toe. I..."

Ray took a hit from the bottle. He knew what was likely coming next. The driver of the car told the authorities that the two men must have been `making out or something' because he didn't realize it was two people until -

"In the moment I was happy. I had everything I'd given up or lost. And then he was gone. He was gone."

And in this telling Ray felt that he was getting the phone call again from the RCMP officer whose name he would never be able to recall. The grieving father watched as his grief stricken friend's eyes surveyed the ocean before them.

"I won't return to the Territories. The snow... I can not do this anymore. I believe that I am at last done." At that moment Ray Vecchio wished that he knew Benton Fraser less well. If he had, he could more easliy pretend that `done' merely referred to the chances of Benton getting married again.

He also wondered if it were possible to have someone else's deja vu. Staring at the man who had been the cause of some of his greatest happiness and some of his greatest unhappiness, he understood what those last moments Fraser had with Kowalski felt like. It was overwhelming instinct, second nature to save your partner's life. Watching the muscles work in Benton's jaw as he continued to stare at the water with great longing, Ray knew that he would do anything to save Benton's life. Even to the destruction of his own marriage. He'd already forgiven his ex-husband for that long ago betrayal, but now that he understood he felt the urge to apologize.

His information was more precise than the information Benton had at the time he was confronted with Stan's despair. Ray knew exactly what that pain would feel like to Jersey. He'd known that hurt intimately. And still the option was on table. Leaning forward he caressed the Mountie's cheek. "Oh, caro."

"Your son, Ray. How can you look at me? How can you be here?"

"Ssh caro." Another hard truth Ray had always known, but only recently allowed into his conscious mind. For the world to be okay, he needed Benton Fraser to be in it and okay. Maybe his husband had nailed it. Maybe he had pimped his son. For the last ten years he'd allowed himself to live with the delusion that things were fine for Fraser. But he wouldn't be able to do that in the next ten years.

Ray stood and swung his long leg over Benton's lounge so that they formed a V behind the Mountie. He wrapped his arms around Fraser's chest and held on to him.

"I need you to stay here Benny."

"I don't think that I can."

"Please try caro."

"You shouldn't be here Ray."

"I know. I know, but I need you to stay. You understand what I'm saying. And I need you to promise."

"Alright Ray."

"Say the words, Benny. Say the words.

"I promise that I will try to stay."

Ray tightened his grip on Benny. Mountie's didn't lie and right now more than anything he needed to believe that a retired Mountie didn't either.

"And I'll be right here. I promise."

\- Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you made it this far, whew! Though I do love Benton Fraser, for some reason in fic I see him as a little bit more damaged beyond what either Ray can do for him. So this happened. Written in 2005.


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